30 Nov 10 - perhaps i'm fated to be a 'long-distance rship' partner..

for those who have not been informed (i only told a few close frens anyway) - guoqing made a sudden decision to 'take a rest' to singapore, and not surprising my family 'adopted' him with pleasure.. *seriously,i feel so unfair for my darling cos their 'reaction' to guoqing is so different from his!* anyway, their reason is becos they've known guoqing over a decade (which is true~) .. ok, so be it.. anyway, i know i only regard guoqing as old good friend, as a brother perhaps.. if anything is to happen, it would have happen at the proposal~

for now, i'm happy to be alone, pampered by myself and close friends. not to forget i've been working on long crazy hours (even on sat) hence my tiredness and no inspiration to blog. i did an calculation: my average man-hour in Nov10 is 10hrs per day! u guys ve to give in to this crazy workaholic j :) well, it is also in this 'tough time' that i really enjoy my work, really learn a lot and get to know more singapore colleagues. (cos my portfolio was southeast asia, excluding singapore, now i'm basically managing the damn whole SEA alone!) trust me, singaporeans are bitchy fussy demanding people! freaking damn challenging~ and REWARDING! if only i've a bathroom in office, i can practically LIVE IN OFFICE 24x7!! *my boss agreed that my son can live with me in office* seriously~ life without angie is madness. then again, working long hours is my normal life and i just cant leave without completing my work~ even if it's just an email response left to do. besides working in auo, i think i'm the happiest here through my past employments.

coming back to guoqing's stay with my family... i'm not saying that he's not welcomed but .. somehow i rather be alone with my work and hugo, than having him around with all my family fussing over him. i'm not saying i'm jealous.. but i'm quite upset for my darling.. besides i dont like the feeling of being dependent on, i dont like the feeling of being 'cared for', at least not 24hrs! frankly, i rather not seeing my partner for months than to see him everyday~ perhaps i'm still immature but i really enjoy being alone in one place, only to meet my partner after mths of rescheduling and planning *i'm nuts, i know* however nutty, this is really what i learnt anout myself - i need a very big personal space with strong trust and faith in rship.

impossible? ya - that is why i'm still unattached, and i doubt i'd ever be~ anway i dont freaking give a damn to whatever 'rship'/courtship and even marriage now.. they are mere labels of commercial fantasy. i'm really at ease and happy even if i had given up a tree for the whole forest.. oh please, i just cant be bothered now~heck!

15 Nov 10 - another taiwanese

i finally ve time to be with you people (my blog!).. though i was totally overwhelmed by new hire induction conduction today, but i kinda enjoyed it - the fruit of hardwork is i can be at home at 630pm! (this is typical changi life) totally surprising and relaxing.. this is the first time i get to relax at home early after work.. finally...

oh, did i tell you that i befriended a guy from flight? we took the same flight to and fro taipei.. he was seated on my direct opp aisle seat to taipei, then direct opp window seat back - same row. i noticed him cos he was helping the travelling pilgrims with their luggages *and i like his voice*. ok anyway, u know how cant-be-bothered j can be when she's on flight - simply put on the arrogant attitude and try to doze the 4hr away. to be frank, i really didnt remember him throughout my stay till i saw him again at the boarding gate. he came over and seated directly opp me! *i was like 'hey, that's him again!*

anyway, being taiwanese himself his luggage is so light that i envy. in comparison, i felt like an wholesale buyer of taiwanese goods back to singapore with all the boxes and luggages! (i really went light;came back loaded) upon arrival, he just walked out of the arrival gate so leisurely while i had to wait and load my heavy consignments. what shocked me was the loonngg taxi quene when i stepped out, and he's merely a turn in front of me~ somehow he smiled at me and i returned the gesture. then we started to have small chat during our zigzag queue about our purpose back in taiwan.. then, he suddenly came over to my queue! together with my luggage, i really feel like auntie standing together with him. we simply continued chatting and eventually (dont ask me how) we shared cab back *he's living in woodlands* .. with any guard against this stranger, i actually let him sent me back to my flat, and forgot to leave him with my share of cabfare~ anyway, that's how we met.

then he surprised me with a 'brunch' date sms that he'd like to prepare some dishes and invited me over for a meal.. i just ve to wake up and go over for simple meal. what simple meal?! it was a feast! beef stew (he started brewing the night before), pork rib soup, grilled mushrooms, sliced pork with sauce and my fav- taiwanese rice! not to mention, we had bbq sweet potatoes for dessert.. totally impressive! i simply love that stew...reminds me of taiwan~~

before u start to speculate who the hell he is - he's 6yrs older than me, engineering under expatriate employment contract with no intention of settling down in singapore where he kept complaining cost of living is too high. he's just a normal bachelor who is not 'willing' to settle down cos of his last rship. considering how that incident had driven him to singapore, he must have loved her and been hurt deeply. that's why he's planning to lead a carefree bachelor all his life now. perhaps photography might just be his wife then. but heck, i enjoyed chatting with him, in his company and great meal. being typical picky taiwanese, he was not satisfied with his own cooking. to me, it's already a great blessing to taste authentic taiwanese homecooked food.totally a bliss for someone who miss taiwan...

i think he's very gentleman despite our 6yrs gen gap. perhaps he'll just be another floater in my life but he definitely left a deep great impression for a 'first date'. :) dont worry, i have enough of bgr - i will stand even firmer in my singlehood decision now. dont need to pray for me - just let me be, i enjoy my singlehood.. and i still think of my darling...

09 Nov 10 - i had a GREAT rest at home~~

i'm back..to singapore. many of you are so interested to know abt my home trip yet there's really nothing i can say. my daily 'schedule' (if i can put it this way) is wake up at 7am for jog around my neighbourhood (mind you, it's mountain road and slope!), back at 8am to refresh and have my breakfast on bed. closely followed was watching hbo, and all sorts of movies and series on tv which eventually i'll doze off and wake up again at 2pm. now, this is my 'headache' time gap - i either went for a walk or afternoon tea or simply laze on my bed with more snacks. (trust me, guoqing has stocked up the fridge just for me - lotsa snacks and chocolates and drinks just for me!) when guoqing came back after work, we'll drive down to city for dinner with his friends. *talk about social butterfly, i was really it!* with all the chat and feast, by the time i returned to my room it's almost midnight. and another day continued in almost the same way. that was my life in taiwan - my normal life.

i really took a GREAT REST - free from everything, every concern and every whatever misc. totally uncontactable by anyone, not even guoqing cos i always leave the mobile which he prepared for me at home. for goodness' sake, it's 'my area' and surrounded by all the serene trees and treks, where and what can go wrong? besides, i've made such good friends with the neighbours and stall keepers despite my poor taiwanese language. it's totally my home. i really had a great rest and great snacking~ i'm beginning to miss it now~~ *fyi, i left my wishing bear there then i'll have my bear to hug to sleep moving forward*

emotionally, i thought it through a lot.. clearly too. i really must love myself more. not try, but must, just do it~ minwei, bosco, ian, guoqing etc.. they cant be with me through my life. there is a reason why i experienced such 'enlightenment' when i was sick alone at home. eventually, this is a one-man road. maybe God will be with me in this road, but heck, i'm still the one taking the physical walk. one day, i'll still be laying in my coffin alone. i have not heard of 'couple coffin'. yes, i love minwei - beyond my comprehension. but i must love myself more cos this road is mine and mine only. i'm not being selfish, but i guess i see some light at the end of this tunnel. this light is only for me alone.

i appreciate guoqing's doting, understanding and protection to stand by me thru all these yrs. his respect for my space and decision, even though i didnt stay as a couple with him. i really see n feel his thoughtfulness yet i know and i know i'm not going to ve any rship anymore. after all these ordeals and depression battle, i decided to stay single all my life. i must say, guoqing has really done it all for me yet i m very firm in my decision now. if there's anyone could surpass guoqing's efforts towards me, it must be God whom i have difficulty understanding. all in all, call me silly or whatever, i will continue to enjoy my singlehood for rest of my life. enough of rship, enough of 'possible marriage'.. those are just mere cheap words to me now. even my faithful hugo will leave me one day, what makes man any better than hugo?