i'm back..to singapore. many of you are so interested to know abt my home trip yet there's really nothing i can say. my daily 'schedule' (if i can put it this way) is wake up at 7am for jog around my neighbourhood (mind you, it's mountain road and slope!), back at 8am to refresh and have my breakfast on bed. closely followed was watching hbo, and all sorts of movies and series on tv which eventually i'll doze off and wake up again at 2pm. now, this is my 'headache' time gap - i either went for a walk or afternoon tea or simply laze on my bed with more snacks. (trust me, guoqing has stocked up the fridge just for me - lotsa snacks and chocolates and drinks just for me!) when guoqing came back after work, we'll drive down to city for dinner with his friends. *talk about social butterfly, i was really it!* with all the chat and feast, by the time i returned to my room it's almost midnight. and another day continued in almost the same way. that was my life in taiwan - my normal life.
i really took a GREAT REST - free from everything, every concern and every whatever misc. totally uncontactable by anyone, not even guoqing cos i always leave the mobile which he prepared for me at home. for goodness' sake, it's 'my area' and surrounded by all the serene trees and treks, where and what can go wrong? besides, i've made such good friends with the neighbours and stall keepers despite my poor taiwanese language. it's totally my home. i really had a great rest and great snacking~ i'm beginning to miss it now~~ *fyi, i left my wishing bear there then i'll have my bear to hug to sleep moving forward*
emotionally, i thought it through a lot.. clearly too. i really must love myself more. not try, but must, just do it~ minwei, bosco, ian, guoqing etc.. they cant be with me through my life. there is a reason why i experienced such 'enlightenment' when i was sick alone at home. eventually, this is a one-man road. maybe God will be with me in this road, but heck, i'm still the one taking the physical walk. one day, i'll still be laying in my coffin alone. i have not heard of 'couple coffin'. yes, i love minwei - beyond my comprehension. but i must love myself more cos this road is mine and mine only. i'm not being selfish, but i guess i see some light at the end of this tunnel. this light is only for me alone.
i appreciate guoqing's doting, understanding and protection to stand by me thru all these yrs. his respect for my space and decision, even though i didnt stay as a couple with him. i really see n feel his thoughtfulness yet i know and i know i'm not going to ve any rship anymore. after all these ordeals and depression battle, i decided to stay single all my life. i must say, guoqing has really done it all for me yet i m very firm in my decision now. if there's anyone could surpass guoqing's efforts towards me, it must be God whom i have difficulty understanding. all in all, call me silly or whatever, i will continue to enjoy my singlehood for rest of my life. enough of rship, enough of 'possible marriage'.. those are just mere cheap words to me now. even my faithful hugo will leave me one day, what makes man any better than hugo?
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