菁連續2晚作了電話局的'蘿蔔頭', 想知道每晚2個鐘頭長途電話的費用嗎? 那就不要轉站喔, 月底將揭曉.. :(
雖然已經在msn聊1個鐘, 不知道為甚麼菁竟然還會想要聽聽他的聲音, 聽到他那傻傻的笑聲... *菁,醒醒吧! * 這算是談戀愛嗎? 千萬不要!! 咱們理性點吧! 菁應該是因為 '寂寞' 才會跟他聊那麼多... 更何況菁偏偏喜歡打擊這類自大風趣的男生, 似乎能成為了菁 '一定要打敗他們' 的執著... 但這不是男歡女愛的感覺嘛.. 只能當做好朋友的互動吧?
可愛的菁, 天真的菁.. 醒醒吧.. 這樣下去會誤導他人的.. 更何況昨晚人家已經開始向貴宮 '報告行蹤' 了~ *冤枉啊, 那也不是菁要求的!! 是那頭豬頭自動自發嘛!!* 所以, 為了日後的 damage control, 還是適可而止.. 放過人家吧, 長痛不如短痛?? 何況人家也沒符合貴宮的第1 條件, 何不放一条活路給他呢??
馬太福音 7章12節
所以, 無論何事, 你們願意人怎麼待你們, 你們也要怎麼待人, 因為這就是律法和先知的道理.
Matt 7:12
Treat others as you want them to treat you. This is what the Law and the Prophets are about.
我住长江头，君住长江尾，日日思君不见君，共饮长江水。此水几时休，此恨何时已，只愿君心似我心，定不负相思意。
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
28 Jan 10 - what is the problem with everyone today??
as if last night of 'taiwan temptation' is not enough, i had to came back and face the ultimate 'torture' of watching all those taiwan food and culture in tv channel8 and channelU! can u imagine how i salivated in front of the tv!! no escape - both channels!! the moment i saw 芋圓 (yam dumplings), my saliva was already dripping to the floor~~~ oh my goodness, why is the situation so against me??
and just when i thought the unbearable part was over, my dear mum shot me '叫你嫁去台灣,你又不要 (ask u to marry to taiwan, u refused)'~ seriously, what a good mother she is.. here i am trying to clear my wet drippy mess, and trying hard to get over this 'taiwan beckoning', she's there shooting such arrows at me.. *i told u she cant wait to sell me off :P * i rebuked, '難道我要為了芋圓出嫁嗎 (so i must get married cos of yum dumplings?)' ..i know it's rude, but she knows it's a teaser (she'll really cry if i'm married off overseas.. so far for her to 'see').. gosh, i miss taiwanese foood!
p/s: my taiwanese ex-colleagues recommend this place in Joo Chiat which will help me to ease this 'taiwan food' crave.. will let u know if u are interested to know i'm happy with the food :)
and just when i thought the unbearable part was over, my dear mum shot me '叫你嫁去台灣,你又不要 (ask u to marry to taiwan, u refused)'~ seriously, what a good mother she is.. here i am trying to clear my wet drippy mess, and trying hard to get over this 'taiwan beckoning', she's there shooting such arrows at me.. *i told u she cant wait to sell me off :P * i rebuked, '難道我要為了芋圓出嫁嗎 (so i must get married cos of yum dumplings?)' ..i know it's rude, but she knows it's a teaser (she'll really cry if i'm married off overseas.. so far for her to 'see').. gosh, i miss taiwanese foood!
p/s: my taiwanese ex-colleagues recommend this place in Joo Chiat which will help me to ease this 'taiwan food' crave.. will let u know if u are interested to know i'm happy with the food :)
28 Jan 10 - gd friday plan
if there's any 'temptation day', yesterday was it! a good friend from taiwan called to 'check' if i'm going taiwan in CNY and the conversation was really loonngg and persuasive :( .. as just i thought i could close the day, i ended up with another long-distance call from guy#1.. *trust me, i'm equally surprised at his call - he must be damn drunk* yes, u read it well - he was drunk. he had a mini d&d in his department, and he was quite high when he came online msn, so i decided to shoo him off to bed (i could also use that early rest~) but in the end.. *i can assure u no one in sober right mind will spend so much on 2hrs long distance call~!..not skype!*
it was nice, really nice hearing his voice.. i mean, even though we knew each other in previous company, but we didn't really talk *hard to believe he was so 'shy' then, hence concluding that people do change* and we've only communicate thru msn now... yes yes, we had a good hearty talk (afterall silly laughter was easy with a drunken person).. and i have to ask - do all taiwanese guys of 1976 speak in the same manner?? i mean, if i'm not sober, he'd sounds like my old taiwanese friend... and he doesn't like to be in same category with this old friend *see, he's insane to think too much and totally drunk now~*
if u r wondering what does it feel to be 'woo', afterall, i've this sudden influx of interested parties.. well, to be very very very frank - it feels great lah! which girl doesn't like to be pampered? though i'm opinionated, but i'm still a female, ya? on another hand, i'm also quite cautious with both of them - both are good guys (at least i believe so), and i really dont want to mislead them (see, i'm really ethical 'fling'), esp they have not gained my trust to access to this blog yet. *trust me, my blog will be the ultimate test for that him to accept the whole package of me, after passing the guarding gates of my hugo*.. so meanwhile, i'll enjoy the sweetness of courtship while it lasts :P
it was nice, really nice hearing his voice.. i mean, even though we knew each other in previous company, but we didn't really talk *hard to believe he was so 'shy' then, hence concluding that people do change* and we've only communicate thru msn now... yes yes, we had a good hearty talk (afterall silly laughter was easy with a drunken person).. and i have to ask - do all taiwanese guys of 1976 speak in the same manner?? i mean, if i'm not sober, he'd sounds like my old taiwanese friend... and he doesn't like to be in same category with this old friend *see, he's insane to think too much and totally drunk now~*
if u r wondering what does it feel to be 'woo', afterall, i've this sudden influx of interested parties.. well, to be very very very frank - it feels great lah! which girl doesn't like to be pampered? though i'm opinionated, but i'm still a female, ya? on another hand, i'm also quite cautious with both of them - both are good guys (at least i believe so), and i really dont want to mislead them (see, i'm really ethical 'fling'), esp they have not gained my trust to access to this blog yet. *trust me, my blog will be the ultimate test for that him to accept the whole package of me, after passing the guarding gates of my hugo*.. so meanwhile, i'll enjoy the sweetness of courtship while it lasts :P
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
26 Feb 10 - no no to LDR
guess what, last night is THE NIGHT where i could finally sleep early, prior midnight! (cutting short conversation with I and guy#1, i'm finally taking care of my poor eyes) *so proud of J*~
ok, my dear citizens of jt's blog.. i know u r just as 'concerned' as my friend jen n my bro.. afterall, i had 2 disappointing experiences with CK and A... who knows which weird guy might come along next.. anyway..
remember guy#1- that insane taiwanese guy who is so persistent about climbing up my category of friends to be my bf? well, we were chatting happily as usual last night.. i must say, for a taiwanese, his command of english is not that bad and he knows how to play word puns (nearly accelerated my death with his puns).. last night, he asked me to be his gf~ WAIT!, before u jumped into conclusion, allow my clarification here gf = Good Friend.. and of course i agreed. it's better than being his girlfriend~ even though i still feel uncomfy when he keeps using 'gf' as abbreviation to address me. it's really nice chatting with him, despite his egoistic confidence which often leave me speechless..
if u r thinking abt considering him, no dears, it's LONG DISTANCE - dont even think about it~.. i just dont have faith in such teenage novelty anymore. where will i be when he needs someone to hug, to hold or to 'show off', esp when he's sick? where will he be when i need a shoulder to cry on, to share all my views in whatever, whoever i see/feel (which happens so spontaneous) and a dance partner when i have this dancing bug?
after my depression, i kinda admit i'm not as strong as i thought or presented myself.. very often, i do a physical companion ard me to share, to comfort and to assure me. *though hugo is still doing great in these functions, but he's getting too agreeable with me.*
sidetrack - can i tell u i really dislike it when i have to 'advise' friends who are going taiwan in Feb and April, when i cant go?! k, it's a personal issue with myself, but still.. can u imagine the 'longing' when i advised them what,where to do/go? not to mention, recommending hostels to them is like slapping myself - i really miss the 'Hello Kitty' room~~! *btw, i've found another new hostel establishment-Angel Hostel.. totally NICE too!* i also wan to go taiwan NOW~!! SOON~~!! sob sob..
ok, my dear citizens of jt's blog.. i know u r just as 'concerned' as my friend jen n my bro.. afterall, i had 2 disappointing experiences with CK and A... who knows which weird guy might come along next.. anyway..
remember guy#1- that insane taiwanese guy who is so persistent about climbing up my category of friends to be my bf? well, we were chatting happily as usual last night.. i must say, for a taiwanese, his command of english is not that bad and he knows how to play word puns (nearly accelerated my death with his puns).. last night, he asked me to be his gf~ WAIT!, before u jumped into conclusion, allow my clarification here gf = Good Friend.. and of course i agreed. it's better than being his girlfriend~ even though i still feel uncomfy when he keeps using 'gf' as abbreviation to address me. it's really nice chatting with him, despite his egoistic confidence which often leave me speechless..
if u r thinking abt considering him, no dears, it's LONG DISTANCE - dont even think about it~.. i just dont have faith in such teenage novelty anymore. where will i be when he needs someone to hug, to hold or to 'show off', esp when he's sick? where will he be when i need a shoulder to cry on, to share all my views in whatever, whoever i see/feel (which happens so spontaneous) and a dance partner when i have this dancing bug?
after my depression, i kinda admit i'm not as strong as i thought or presented myself.. very often, i do a physical companion ard me to share, to comfort and to assure me. *though hugo is still doing great in these functions, but he's getting too agreeable with me.*
sidetrack - can i tell u i really dislike it when i have to 'advise' friends who are going taiwan in Feb and April, when i cant go?! k, it's a personal issue with myself, but still.. can u imagine the 'longing' when i advised them what,where to do/go? not to mention, recommending hostels to them is like slapping myself - i really miss the 'Hello Kitty' room~~! *btw, i've found another new hostel establishment-Angel Hostel.. totally NICE too!* i also wan to go taiwan NOW~!! SOON~~!! sob sob..
Sunday, January 24, 2010
24 Jan 10 - sucker
how's my day? well, cheat on a bet early this morning which meant i only woke up at 9.30am instead of 6.30am.. to kill time, i decided to conduct my bi-annual spring cleaning and rearranged my little cosy corner (again).. the more i define my space, the more i kinda like it.. just me in my corner of my own room..
if anyone needs a gym workout, he/she should really start at home with all the house-chores of vacuum, mop and cleaning of the house.. sweating out has never been so fulfilling..
i had my lunch at 4pm, in my aunt's place.. i really like this idea to live near the relatives. at times like this, when i'm home alone and lazy to cook, it's a blessing to drop by aunt's place in the name of 'bonding' (u know what i mean :P) but ya, it's really nice even though i had to get my butt out under the hot sun to satisfy my groaning stomach..
anyway, if u r wondering what's my point today.. here's it - I'M A TOTAL SUCKER FOR MUSIC TALENTS..SINCE YOUNG! how do i know? well.. my sis n i were watching this 百萬大歌星 variety show with guest of honour as mr sky wu (伍思凱), an reowned singer cum composer in chinese music world... i really enjoy his songs (yes, the word should be 'reminiscence' for me, i know)..engrossed in his songs, for no reason, i revealed that i used to be his fan, really, his 歌迷.. and to my surprise, she nodded her head in agreement, as if she knew it all along.. i was like 'huh, how did u know'.. in reply, she reminded me of my dad's gift to me - sky's album of 特別的愛給特別的你..*wow, she remembered while i actually forgotten!* *ya, my dad was very sweet, and i guess he really had an implicit meaning to give that album too* that should tell u how great a fan i was when i was young, way young in primary school days, so much so that my sis knew it~!
in that same instant, it's also like a slap onto my face that i've been a long-time patsy for musical talents.. since young! i dunno abt u, but i was horrified~ if there's anything abt 'natural instinct', this is it! but why? esp musically talented people are so stubborn in their principles (so does sky!) and i'm so opinionated!! is it cos i'm a music idiot who cant be bothered with B or B# notes?? seriously, this 'opposite attracts' logic is going to cause my downfall someday.. if this is true, i will come to this point soon - either to bear with their bad (weird) principles or jolly well accept someone without such talents. what a dilemma.. God is really fair in His creations.
p/s: check this out.. recently i'm addicted and falling head over heels for this talented group of guys on youtube.. i like this song 'Wont Even Start' :)
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/d/david_choi/wont_even_start_ver2_crd.htm
to check wangfu productions (philip, wesley and ted) and david choi out..
http://wongfuproductions.com/
http://davidchoimusic.com/
if anyone needs a gym workout, he/she should really start at home with all the house-chores of vacuum, mop and cleaning of the house.. sweating out has never been so fulfilling..
i had my lunch at 4pm, in my aunt's place.. i really like this idea to live near the relatives. at times like this, when i'm home alone and lazy to cook, it's a blessing to drop by aunt's place in the name of 'bonding' (u know what i mean :P) but ya, it's really nice even though i had to get my butt out under the hot sun to satisfy my groaning stomach..
anyway, if u r wondering what's my point today.. here's it - I'M A TOTAL SUCKER FOR MUSIC TALENTS..SINCE YOUNG! how do i know? well.. my sis n i were watching this 百萬大歌星 variety show with guest of honour as mr sky wu (伍思凱), an reowned singer cum composer in chinese music world... i really enjoy his songs (yes, the word should be 'reminiscence' for me, i know)..engrossed in his songs, for no reason, i revealed that i used to be his fan, really, his 歌迷.. and to my surprise, she nodded her head in agreement, as if she knew it all along.. i was like 'huh, how did u know'.. in reply, she reminded me of my dad's gift to me - sky's album of 特別的愛給特別的你..*wow, she remembered while i actually forgotten!* *ya, my dad was very sweet, and i guess he really had an implicit meaning to give that album too* that should tell u how great a fan i was when i was young, way young in primary school days, so much so that my sis knew it~!
in that same instant, it's also like a slap onto my face that i've been a long-time patsy for musical talents.. since young! i dunno abt u, but i was horrified~ if there's anything abt 'natural instinct', this is it! but why? esp musically talented people are so stubborn in their principles (so does sky!) and i'm so opinionated!! is it cos i'm a music idiot who cant be bothered with B or B# notes?? seriously, this 'opposite attracts' logic is going to cause my downfall someday.. if this is true, i will come to this point soon - either to bear with their bad (weird) principles or jolly well accept someone without such talents. what a dilemma.. God is really fair in His creations.
p/s: check this out.. recently i'm addicted and falling head over heels for this talented group of guys on youtube.. i like this song 'Wont Even Start' :)
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/d/david_choi/wont_even_start_ver2_crd.htm
to check wangfu productions (philip, wesley and ted) and david choi out..
http://wongfuproductions.com/
http://davidchoimusic.com/
Saturday, January 23, 2010
23 Jan 10 - wild thoughts before insanity
ok, i was encouraged to blog it out so i can sleep in peace later (soon! i'm so super sleepy now despite hot dancing music on class95)..
a lot of thoughts came to me today.. looking at my social life on weekends, i cant help wondering...
1) will i ever get to know that someone? esp i've been lazing at home, under the humid hot sun on weekends?
trust me, it's not that i dont want to go out.. but i know the sun will kill me if i go out - i'm already getting headache in the comfort of my room due to dehydration! internet seems to be my only social mean now, all the FB and msn chats..
2) in this too easy (boring) life i'm living, i'm seriously thinking of getting back my workaholic lifestyle..
perhaps A was right that i'm a hare - i belong to a hectic life only to rest for a while, before i start being listless of my rest.. maybe.. but the reason why i'm missing my 'hectic' work now is bcos i really dislike doing-nothing on weekends. yes, ms workaholic here misses her days of working on weekends.. well, at least if i dont go to church, i'd still have something to do, something to stop this wild thinking, right? 2yrs ago, i chose to stop flying bcos of 'marriage'; 3mths ago i chose to stepdown with hope of having more time to meet new friends.. but since my 2 motives are not met from my decisions, i might as well go back to my corporate slavery..
seriously... J has to get someone or something to occupy her weekends SOON! otherwise, she has to go taiwan every weekends soon!! that's equally INSANE~!
a lot of thoughts came to me today.. looking at my social life on weekends, i cant help wondering...
1) will i ever get to know that someone? esp i've been lazing at home, under the humid hot sun on weekends?
trust me, it's not that i dont want to go out.. but i know the sun will kill me if i go out - i'm already getting headache in the comfort of my room due to dehydration! internet seems to be my only social mean now, all the FB and msn chats..
2) in this too easy (boring) life i'm living, i'm seriously thinking of getting back my workaholic lifestyle..
perhaps A was right that i'm a hare - i belong to a hectic life only to rest for a while, before i start being listless of my rest.. maybe.. but the reason why i'm missing my 'hectic' work now is bcos i really dislike doing-nothing on weekends. yes, ms workaholic here misses her days of working on weekends.. well, at least if i dont go to church, i'd still have something to do, something to stop this wild thinking, right? 2yrs ago, i chose to stop flying bcos of 'marriage'; 3mths ago i chose to stepdown with hope of having more time to meet new friends.. but since my 2 motives are not met from my decisions, i might as well go back to my corporate slavery..
seriously... J has to get someone or something to occupy her weekends SOON! otherwise, she has to go taiwan every weekends soon!! that's equally INSANE~!
22 Jan 10 - ok, it's a crush..end
it's like a 'prayer answered' when A suddenly initiated a hang out after his gym (after my coffee chat w jen).. to be frank, i was actually looking forward to meet him.. ask jen who witnessed how flustered i was, as if i'm going on a prom date~
after meeting A, i only have 1 conclusion - God is fair.
true, he's very talented in music and also in language.. but his 'people skills' is really not there yet.. ok, u may say i'm superficial, but he sure looks very different from his pictures.. and after being on a 4hrs conversation with him in person, i kinda had a 'comparison chart' ... here's it (oh btw, i've included this old friend whom i've known for years.. might be familiar to u if u knew me before bosco's time - mr I)
arrogance
CK-9/10 A-8/10 I-8/10
charisma
CK-8/10 A-6/10 I-7/10
common faith
CK-3/10 A-0/10 I-0/10
difference acceptance
CK-5/10 A-7/10 I-8/10
height
CK-7/10 A-6/10 I-7/10
initiative
CK-9/10 A-5/10 I-7/10
physical appearance
CK- 7/10 A-5/10 I-8/10
socialization
CK-8/10 A-6/10 I-8/10
sporty
CK-7/10 A-9/10 I-5/10
wits
CK-8/10 A-8/10 I-7/10
Total
CK = 71% ; A=60% ; I=65%
overall, i must say ...
i enjoy the initiative, charisma and wittiness of CK, despite his disrespectful words... being with him is really very much enjoyable than talking with him.. if only he can stop being so cynical in his words to me..
i enjoy the sensitivity, logical rationale and musical talents of A, however perhaps due to his strong analytics, he was really not that charismatic.. i think i can understand why his subordinates are kinda 'against' him..
but all in all.. i know i'd still prefer the company of I over CK/A, yet CK (if he really start caring abt me n everyone/everything of me) over A .. even though i was really looked forward to meet A in person, now i kinda hope we'd still remain online friends for the flow of communication.. in person, he's a very factual n hard-to-please person cos of his principles.. can u believe how firm he is when he believes dancing n music is very personal, whereas for me - dancing n music are very social activities to enjoy?
after meeting A, i only have 1 conclusion - God is fair.
true, he's very talented in music and also in language.. but his 'people skills' is really not there yet.. ok, u may say i'm superficial, but he sure looks very different from his pictures.. and after being on a 4hrs conversation with him in person, i kinda had a 'comparison chart' ... here's it (oh btw, i've included this old friend whom i've known for years.. might be familiar to u if u knew me before bosco's time - mr I)
arrogance
CK-9/10 A-8/10 I-8/10
charisma
CK-8/10 A-6/10 I-7/10
common faith
CK-3/10 A-0/10 I-0/10
difference acceptance
CK-5/10 A-7/10 I-8/10
height
CK-7/10 A-6/10 I-7/10
initiative
CK-9/10 A-5/10 I-7/10
physical appearance
CK- 7/10 A-5/10 I-8/10
socialization
CK-8/10 A-6/10 I-8/10
sporty
CK-7/10 A-9/10 I-5/10
wits
CK-8/10 A-8/10 I-7/10
Total
CK = 71% ; A=60% ; I=65%
overall, i must say ...
i enjoy the initiative, charisma and wittiness of CK, despite his disrespectful words... being with him is really very much enjoyable than talking with him.. if only he can stop being so cynical in his words to me..
i enjoy the sensitivity, logical rationale and musical talents of A, however perhaps due to his strong analytics, he was really not that charismatic.. i think i can understand why his subordinates are kinda 'against' him..
but all in all.. i know i'd still prefer the company of I over CK/A, yet CK (if he really start caring abt me n everyone/everything of me) over A .. even though i was really looked forward to meet A in person, now i kinda hope we'd still remain online friends for the flow of communication.. in person, he's a very factual n hard-to-please person cos of his principles.. can u believe how firm he is when he believes dancing n music is very personal, whereas for me - dancing n music are very social activities to enjoy?
Friday, January 22, 2010
22 Jan 10 - my heart is too weak for such..
quick quick quick!! someone quick kill me!!!
i'm in such deep shit~!
for 2days in a row, i have received 2 DIRECT declaration for 2 different guys that they are going after me! and... i'm .. i'm.. the one whom i'm hoping would ask is MIA these days~ and even if he's online, he's taking it real SLOW~ *J,u r such a sucker for musically inclined talents*
oh my gosh!! quick quick quick, kill me!!
ok, let u in about this guy #1..
nice 1976 chap, knew him when i was working in taiwan (he's a taiwanese).. actually i kinda knew he liked me then, but i was with my 'dear bosco' then.. so i drew the line. it was until last week he re-established contact via FB, that we chatted almost every day.. he's been travelling ard on biz trips and is in ShenZhen now..
well, we started off as 'long lost friends' chat.. catching up and getting to know each other.. then he started being cheeky *yes, u know what cheeky means, esp from taiwanese guys* but i always managed to manage that part.. until last night he told me straight in my face (literally in my face cos i was facing my lappy screen) that he's serious abt having a long distance rship with me.. he dun mind flying down (since he's already flying ard).. and he is also serious about coming over in CNY to keep me company from 16-19Feb10.. u cannot, cannot imagine how FREAKED OUT i was!
yes i know he's a nice stable guy, but i've always regarded him as a friend.. oh btw, he's so determined (stubborn) to climb my 'category of friends' to become my bf! i'm so so so freaking out! i even started to insist that it's not possible for me to work in taiwan, nor to trust long distance rship etc (regardless how much i love taiwan!).. he's simply NOT listening!! i give up... decided to take a step at a time to convince him of impossibility..
guy #2
nice tall 1979 chap.. only get to know him when i was a HR Manager in same company for a short short time, even though he was from same poly with me (he was attached w ms temasek poly then).. overall, he's a nice guy-sensible and very gentleman too.. and i dunno why but we've always been brutely blunt and honest in giving each other 'feedback' .. *perhaps cos i've always been such 'buddy' girl* and yes, he has access to this blog of mine..
ok anyway, few days ago, he shared with me abt he's trying to send his vibes over, yet i'm not responding.. and how this girl whom he just knew came along and she's responding to him. ok, fine.. so i thought it's good for him esp he's been 'complaining' that he's lonely after his breakup in Nov/Dec09.. *personally i feel it's a very short recovery period*.. being all rationale J, i kinda take his mind off all the lovey dovey crush by exploring all possible reasons of why he's so hiped over her..
then, out of all sudden.. he just gave me shock of my life that he told this girl abt me.. and how he had good feelings for a girl-next-door, like me.. and he wanted to 'give me a try' even though he knows she has good feelings for him!?! i freaking dont remember what words he used but i'm already freaking out (again!).. why on earth drag me into their possible good rship, when they could start happily?? and if i remember correctly, the girl did shed a few tears upon his decision! *what the hell was he trying to do? kill himself?? or me?!?!?* .. but somehow, i doubt if he's real.. cos he's another too cheeky guy who is capable of teasing me to my maximum! i sure hope this is not true~
seriously, what in the world is happening to guys around me?? can they stop freaking me out with such confidence?! i have a super weak heart for love affairs now.. please dont scare me like this~~~~ wake up me from this nightmare, FAST!!
p/s: didn't i tell u God is indeed TRUE GOD? when He blesses, He does not just send blessing, HE POURS BLESSINGS! *someone has to tell Him abt apportionating His blessings in accordance to what the receiver can receives!*
pp/s: bro, i know u have been praying for me.. what on earth have you been praying?!?! stop the generic prayers, start getting specific!! i only want ONE~ pleaaseee our Father dotes on you, He answers whatever you pray, so please please.. ONE right one, ok? spare me from these freaking shocking news~ 2 in 24hrs?!?!
i'm in such deep shit~!
for 2days in a row, i have received 2 DIRECT declaration for 2 different guys that they are going after me! and... i'm .. i'm.. the one whom i'm hoping would ask is MIA these days~ and even if he's online, he's taking it real SLOW~ *J,u r such a sucker for musically inclined talents*
oh my gosh!! quick quick quick, kill me!!
ok, let u in about this guy #1..
nice 1976 chap, knew him when i was working in taiwan (he's a taiwanese).. actually i kinda knew he liked me then, but i was with my 'dear bosco' then.. so i drew the line. it was until last week he re-established contact via FB, that we chatted almost every day.. he's been travelling ard on biz trips and is in ShenZhen now..
well, we started off as 'long lost friends' chat.. catching up and getting to know each other.. then he started being cheeky *yes, u know what cheeky means, esp from taiwanese guys* but i always managed to manage that part.. until last night he told me straight in my face (literally in my face cos i was facing my lappy screen) that he's serious abt having a long distance rship with me.. he dun mind flying down (since he's already flying ard).. and he is also serious about coming over in CNY to keep me company from 16-19Feb10.. u cannot, cannot imagine how FREAKED OUT i was!
yes i know he's a nice stable guy, but i've always regarded him as a friend.. oh btw, he's so determined (stubborn) to climb my 'category of friends' to become my bf! i'm so so so freaking out! i even started to insist that it's not possible for me to work in taiwan, nor to trust long distance rship etc (regardless how much i love taiwan!).. he's simply NOT listening!! i give up... decided to take a step at a time to convince him of impossibility..
guy #2
nice tall 1979 chap.. only get to know him when i was a HR Manager in same company for a short short time, even though he was from same poly with me (he was attached w ms temasek poly then).. overall, he's a nice guy-sensible and very gentleman too.. and i dunno why but we've always been brutely blunt and honest in giving each other 'feedback' .. *perhaps cos i've always been such 'buddy' girl* and yes, he has access to this blog of mine..
ok anyway, few days ago, he shared with me abt he's trying to send his vibes over, yet i'm not responding.. and how this girl whom he just knew came along and she's responding to him. ok, fine.. so i thought it's good for him esp he's been 'complaining' that he's lonely after his breakup in Nov/Dec09.. *personally i feel it's a very short recovery period*.. being all rationale J, i kinda take his mind off all the lovey dovey crush by exploring all possible reasons of why he's so hiped over her..
then, out of all sudden.. he just gave me shock of my life that he told this girl abt me.. and how he had good feelings for a girl-next-door, like me.. and he wanted to 'give me a try' even though he knows she has good feelings for him!?! i freaking dont remember what words he used but i'm already freaking out (again!).. why on earth drag me into their possible good rship, when they could start happily?? and if i remember correctly, the girl did shed a few tears upon his decision! *what the hell was he trying to do? kill himself?? or me?!?!?* .. but somehow, i doubt if he's real.. cos he's another too cheeky guy who is capable of teasing me to my maximum! i sure hope this is not true~
seriously, what in the world is happening to guys around me?? can they stop freaking me out with such confidence?! i have a super weak heart for love affairs now.. please dont scare me like this~~~~ wake up me from this nightmare, FAST!!
p/s: didn't i tell u God is indeed TRUE GOD? when He blesses, He does not just send blessing, HE POURS BLESSINGS! *someone has to tell Him abt apportionating His blessings in accordance to what the receiver can receives!*
pp/s: bro, i know u have been praying for me.. what on earth have you been praying?!?! stop the generic prayers, start getting specific!! i only want ONE~ pleaaseee our Father dotes on you, He answers whatever you pray, so please please.. ONE right one, ok? spare me from these freaking shocking news~ 2 in 24hrs?!?!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
20 Jan 10 - O company
i know i should log this ytd where all the hipe was, perhaps it's better to log now cos i'm calmer.. clearer to think..
O company called me after finding my resume on monster *see, i told u guys monsters works for lazy jobseekers~at least for me* immediately, the next few hours were madness with a panel interview and a 2nd interview with director.. *gosh, why IT companies is always so anxious? my pervious S company also did this to me, made me panicky over 1 position* and hence, i was hiped up again by their silly anxiousness.. the weird thing is i really dont know how their system work before i get into the company - S and O. as much as i know they are major player (and payers) in the market, such skillset is asset, but i really has no experience till i'm in. ok, anyway, after all the interview hipe, i concluded - J,u really know how to crap.. perhaps that's why people say i perform well in interviews - with my simply heck care attitude + my opinionated personality, the moment i shake hands with my interviewer(s) i can be very crappy, even to my own definition. but hey, that's interview, right? afterall i used to be interviewer - been there done that of listening to craps, now it should their turn.
i know everyone is telling me to move cos of $$ but i really hope to settle down in somewhere permanently as retirement, perhaps. as much as the $$ is tempting (esp at my age), but my ability to clean shit-hole is declining with depression. afterall, every company has its shit-hole, it's just a matter do u want/are u able to take the shit. i asked gwen who replied it's the decision of resident to choose his own shit-hole. *thanks, dear, that's very enlightening* .. in the end, i'm still confusing+tempted as in what to do..
anyway, i decided to list what the pros n cons of moving onto O
+ high pay
+ enhance my HR resume
+ good retirement ground
+ chances to travel
+ US work culture *i like~*
- might not be able to get out of that job scope ever
- stress and higher expectations (more than S company)
- central yet far from MRT
- long hours *my workaholism welcomes that*
- no more office freedom
- cannot out/around freely as now
-
O company called me after finding my resume on monster *see, i told u guys monsters works for lazy jobseekers~at least for me* immediately, the next few hours were madness with a panel interview and a 2nd interview with director.. *gosh, why IT companies is always so anxious? my pervious S company also did this to me, made me panicky over 1 position* and hence, i was hiped up again by their silly anxiousness.. the weird thing is i really dont know how their system work before i get into the company - S and O. as much as i know they are major player (and payers) in the market, such skillset is asset, but i really has no experience till i'm in. ok, anyway, after all the interview hipe, i concluded - J,u really know how to crap.. perhaps that's why people say i perform well in interviews - with my simply heck care attitude + my opinionated personality, the moment i shake hands with my interviewer(s) i can be very crappy, even to my own definition. but hey, that's interview, right? afterall i used to be interviewer - been there done that of listening to craps, now it should their turn.
i know everyone is telling me to move cos of $$ but i really hope to settle down in somewhere permanently as retirement, perhaps. as much as the $$ is tempting (esp at my age), but my ability to clean shit-hole is declining with depression. afterall, every company has its shit-hole, it's just a matter do u want/are u able to take the shit. i asked gwen who replied it's the decision of resident to choose his own shit-hole. *thanks, dear, that's very enlightening* .. in the end, i'm still confusing+tempted as in what to do..
anyway, i decided to list what the pros n cons of moving onto O
+ high pay
+ enhance my HR resume
+ good retirement ground
+ chances to travel
+ US work culture *i like~*
- might not be able to get out of that job scope ever
- stress and higher expectations (more than S company)
- central yet far from MRT
- long hours *my workaholism welcomes that*
- no more office freedom
- cannot out/around freely as now
-
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
18 Jan 10 - thanks to nightmare
last night i turned in early cos of the agonising cramp n pain.. but somehow i had a nasty nightmare that woke me up at 3.15am.. staring in the dark, i decided to go online for a breather (partly bcos i kinda hope he'll be online). *why hope, J? u know he will! that's lame excuse* indeed, hope is rewarded.. even though i tried to limit my 'away from nightmare' to 1hr, i only managed to return to bed at 4.40am..
ok, in my drowsiness, we talked about...
my sisters? cos the nightmare is something about siblings quarrel (no, we are not quarreling in real life).. how i'm looking out for a bf for my sis - that's how i got to know both of his brothers are attached..
as usual, we tried to probe each other in our 'prerequisite' yet being so secretive abt our own *so childish, J..* and somehow touched on the topic of gays..
how we share nice songs (started with eric clapton's 'wonderful tonight') and ended up with me sharing my all-time favourite song (again!), and got him into his musical inspiration again.. trust me, i did nothing to stimulate that.. it's all about him - there's always something going through his head every hour every second of the day.. i'd rather him sleep early than to delay his rest..
then i realised i'm feeding him with much infor of myself, than him feeding me on himself..
that's when i decided to go back to sleep, leaving him stoning to the music of my fav song.. and he told me to look out for his FB update (another video perhaps??)
ok, that's it.. and i doubt i can stay up another night.. after knowing him, these late night chats are enough to toil my bio-clock.. if you people wants to know more about this A, pray that he'll come online before 11pm~! i really cant keep up with his nocturnal lifestyle..
ok, in my drowsiness, we talked about...
my sisters? cos the nightmare is something about siblings quarrel (no, we are not quarreling in real life).. how i'm looking out for a bf for my sis - that's how i got to know both of his brothers are attached..
as usual, we tried to probe each other in our 'prerequisite' yet being so secretive abt our own *so childish, J..* and somehow touched on the topic of gays..
how we share nice songs (started with eric clapton's 'wonderful tonight') and ended up with me sharing my all-time favourite song (again!), and got him into his musical inspiration again.. trust me, i did nothing to stimulate that.. it's all about him - there's always something going through his head every hour every second of the day.. i'd rather him sleep early than to delay his rest..
then i realised i'm feeding him with much infor of myself, than him feeding me on himself..
that's when i decided to go back to sleep, leaving him stoning to the music of my fav song.. and he told me to look out for his FB update (another video perhaps??)
ok, that's it.. and i doubt i can stay up another night.. after knowing him, these late night chats are enough to toil my bio-clock.. if you people wants to know more about this A, pray that he'll come online before 11pm~! i really cant keep up with his nocturnal lifestyle..
Monday, January 18, 2010
18 Jan 10 - voice out first
come come, share my joy - even though it might be short-lived..
last fri i had a very sudden shocking sad news that the new financial controller who actually came singapore for clients introduction last week, was asked to leave~!! it's like 24hrs notice ok~!! no joke! I'm totally saddened cos she is the only person from management team whom i could communicate with ease. her mindset and language is more 'westernised' compared to my direct boss who is a EVP. personally it's like a sudden loss of good friend (we çlicked even though we merely spent 4days in office); officially i suddenly have to take on more roles for this office (however, since i'm super bored here and had such experience when i was Office Manager, i should not be complaining .. esp i'm good in accounting and finance :P ) but still ... it was a shocking news..
this afternoon, my boss decided to break the news to me, unknowing that i've been informed. and being very 'heck-care', i told him how i felt - how shocking, how scary and insecured etc.. he disclosed the reason for her dismisal as if to assure me.. i guess he still sensed my 'complaints' cos i put my foot at the door by mentioning that i'm very inexperienced and still require a lot of learning etc and how 糟糕 my performance has been.. *seriously, J.. that's so unlike u to say that so 'humbly'!!* i know it's not a 'politically smart' thing to say that to your boss, but heck care.. that's been my working style with all my superiors - blunt truth at right time, why make exception for him??
guess what's his reply? "你沒有事情的.. 我們對你都很滿意的. 因為你做事情是要細緻的.. 你放心吧, 我們還是很看好你的." hahaa.. trust me, i nearly almost on the verge of laughing off my chair~!!! ahahaa.. seriously!! here i am so sarcastically humbling myself, yet he's so assuring (or is he??) .. nevertheless, though this is not a good company to work, meanwhile i'll try to enjoy my freedom and do my best to boost and ignore his damn ego~
p/s: no, i've not been staying up (waiting) that late to chat with A (he's really a gonez case nocturnal animal) cos my monthly cycle is screaming for more rest..and it's one of the worst cramps so far.. anyway, hopefully he'll come early to chat, if he's want to chat w me~~
last fri i had a very sudden shocking sad news that the new financial controller who actually came singapore for clients introduction last week, was asked to leave~!! it's like 24hrs notice ok~!! no joke! I'm totally saddened cos she is the only person from management team whom i could communicate with ease. her mindset and language is more 'westernised' compared to my direct boss who is a EVP. personally it's like a sudden loss of good friend (we çlicked even though we merely spent 4days in office); officially i suddenly have to take on more roles for this office (however, since i'm super bored here and had such experience when i was Office Manager, i should not be complaining .. esp i'm good in accounting and finance :P ) but still ... it was a shocking news..
this afternoon, my boss decided to break the news to me, unknowing that i've been informed. and being very 'heck-care', i told him how i felt - how shocking, how scary and insecured etc.. he disclosed the reason for her dismisal as if to assure me.. i guess he still sensed my 'complaints' cos i put my foot at the door by mentioning that i'm very inexperienced and still require a lot of learning etc and how 糟糕 my performance has been.. *seriously, J.. that's so unlike u to say that so 'humbly'!!* i know it's not a 'politically smart' thing to say that to your boss, but heck care.. that's been my working style with all my superiors - blunt truth at right time, why make exception for him??
guess what's his reply? "你沒有事情的.. 我們對你都很滿意的. 因為你做事情是要細緻的.. 你放心吧, 我們還是很看好你的." hahaa.. trust me, i nearly almost on the verge of laughing off my chair~!!! ahahaa.. seriously!! here i am so sarcastically humbling myself, yet he's so assuring (or is he??) .. nevertheless, though this is not a good company to work, meanwhile i'll try to enjoy my freedom and do my best to boost and ignore his damn ego~
p/s: no, i've not been staying up (waiting) that late to chat with A (he's really a gonez case nocturnal animal) cos my monthly cycle is screaming for more rest..and it's one of the worst cramps so far.. anyway, hopefully he'll come early to chat, if he's want to chat w me~~
Sunday, January 17, 2010
17 Jan 10 - shall we dance?
it's been a while since i had this kind of lazy afternoon.. breakfast with my family n dogs, accompanied by winds of spring, followed by a dog run before returning home at 1pm.. and it's only 1pm! it should had been 3 or 4pm since we had accomplished so much in one morning trip~
anyway, 1pm was really early.. kinda lost for such efficiency and gift of 'extra time'.. perhaps it's fated (again) that we came back at 1pm so i could watch"shall we dance" again on tv.. i know there're a lot of movies, inspiring movies about dancing but this is one of my favourites.. not so much on the elegance of ballroom / latin dances, but how this story always bring out the pure joy of dancing which very often has become a social stigma that guys who dance are 'gay' or not manly, and .. who says good dance partners have to be couples in rship? i like the strong dance connection between richard gere and jennifer lopez, even though susan sarandon was his wife; how excellent richard gere handled the situation.. such decisiveness, openness and truth.. one in his life has truly lived as he enjoys his passion without compromising his love for family.
to be honest, it got me all fuzzed up again about continuing my latin dance.. it's been a while.. and having no consistent friend / partner who share same interest always has the same truancy ending. i dont need a dance partner, but how about a friend who is also interested in latin dance?? learning proper dance steps is NOT atas~! a great form of exercise too!!
i've included this for those of u who heard about it yet 'no chance' to really start your feet at it~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku4m823r3RY
anyway, 1pm was really early.. kinda lost for such efficiency and gift of 'extra time'.. perhaps it's fated (again) that we came back at 1pm so i could watch
to be honest, it got me all fuzzed up again about continuing my latin dance.. it's been a while.. and having no consistent friend / partner who share same interest always has the same truancy ending. i dont need a dance partner, but how about a friend who is also interested in latin dance?? learning proper dance steps is NOT atas~! a great form of exercise too!!
i've included this for those of u who heard about it yet 'no chance' to really start your feet at it~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ku4m823r3RY
Saturday, January 16, 2010
16 Jan 10 - 說再見
what a happy occasion of marriage.. what a blissful scene in front of the camera.. but her dying dog lying weak in the background sharing her joy. he can hardly open his eyes cos of his pain, yet that day he struggled so much to witness her joy..
the moment i saw the starting of this documentary, even for that mere 5 mins, i know i cant.. i simply cant stay on to watch further.. cos tears were already flooding in my eyes...no matter how happy she is for her marriage, i know and i feel for her pain n her fear of having to let him go one day.. i also know she wont leave him alone or let someone else take care for her, even though it's her happy moments of her life.. i also wont.. no matter how happy i would be for my wedding, if anything, just anything, happens to my hugo, nothing, simply NOTHING, can take us apart! i wont want him to leave my sight 24/7, even though i might be tired..
i excused to take a bath, where i cried with my heart out for this little maltese.. he's so weak yet so strong to struggle to open his eyes to share her joy.. i cried.. i really cried throughout the whole 15mins bathing process.. i thought the show will be over by the time i finished bath.. yet, the moment i stepped into living room, i cried again.. in front of my mum who was watching the 'final part' of it.. even though i jolly well missed a great part of the 30mins show, but i felt the love they shared.. so strong and their pain.. in fact, i'm still crying now as i type..
yes, u may say i'm emotional. but if u r an animal lover, like me, it just hurts so much to see animals suffering, let along your beloved pet. it's a fact that i feel more for animals than humans (fyi, i had wept 37times in the 2yrs as hamsters' mother).. looking at hugo who is lazing in his cushion bed, i am comforted that he's still here with me.. but how long?? i tell u, when what happened with bosco grieved me for 2yrs, be warned n prepared that i'll mourn even longer for hugo.. it may never be recovered.. be sure i'll have another wave of depression!
my hugo, my precious.. please take care of yourself, stop eating things which you know you should not. stay happy and loved for it's known to lead good long life. if one day you should leave me, please leave in a healthy happy state.. if you love me which i know you do, dun let me see you struggling in pain to breathe another breath.. i would really exchange all my remaining life just to see you smile again.
the moment i saw the starting of this documentary, even for that mere 5 mins, i know i cant.. i simply cant stay on to watch further.. cos tears were already flooding in my eyes...no matter how happy she is for her marriage, i know and i feel for her pain n her fear of having to let him go one day.. i also know she wont leave him alone or let someone else take care for her, even though it's her happy moments of her life.. i also wont.. no matter how happy i would be for my wedding, if anything, just anything, happens to my hugo, nothing, simply NOTHING, can take us apart! i wont want him to leave my sight 24/7, even though i might be tired..
i excused to take a bath, where i cried with my heart out for this little maltese.. he's so weak yet so strong to struggle to open his eyes to share her joy.. i cried.. i really cried throughout the whole 15mins bathing process.. i thought the show will be over by the time i finished bath.. yet, the moment i stepped into living room, i cried again.. in front of my mum who was watching the 'final part' of it.. even though i jolly well missed a great part of the 30mins show, but i felt the love they shared.. so strong and their pain.. in fact, i'm still crying now as i type..
yes, u may say i'm emotional. but if u r an animal lover, like me, it just hurts so much to see animals suffering, let along your beloved pet. it's a fact that i feel more for animals than humans (fyi, i had wept 37times in the 2yrs as hamsters' mother).. looking at hugo who is lazing in his cushion bed, i am comforted that he's still here with me.. but how long?? i tell u, when what happened with bosco grieved me for 2yrs, be warned n prepared that i'll mourn even longer for hugo.. it may never be recovered.. be sure i'll have another wave of depression!
my hugo, my precious.. please take care of yourself, stop eating things which you know you should not. stay happy and loved for it's known to lead good long life. if one day you should leave me, please leave in a healthy happy state.. if you love me which i know you do, dun let me see you struggling in pain to breathe another breath.. i would really exchange all my remaining life just to see you smile again.
16 Jan 10 - dog talk
early morning of 16Jan.. woken up by the cold chill and cant return to dreamland.. decided to take a chance to come online at 4.30am.. goodness gracious, A was still online! (does this guy ever need to sleep??) nevertheless i was happy to have a chat w him.. *hey this is not a plotted consequence*
in my all freshened mind, i was able to stay focus on that qn which he wittily diverted.. only managed to get SIAM from him, before he added another character in. SIAM.. if he is typical superficial guy, it'll be easy to decipher it.. but i serious doubt so, he is a perfectionist with lotsa thoughts running in his small brain - that's complicated. *anyone wanna help to guess?* anyway, i managed to dig further.. 2yrs of singlehood; a 'testing water' attitude when joining match.com; no effort will be given unless the flow is right.. and his language is good *what do i expect-NJC*!
this chat is about dogs.. how he regards n plays with his dogs, and me to mine. he likes borzoi for its elegance movement.. and commented i spoilt my hugo for he's literally my king. well, if u love animals, u'll understand the typical topics of playing with dogs, so i shall not bored u with those details.. i can tell he really loves his dogs even though his 'competitive' exercise comes first. it's not easy to find a guy who loves his dogs and willing to be labelled as 'nonsense' as he communicates with the dogs. (if u think it's nonsense to have dog-talk, please examine ur existence of heart!) very often, with such sensitive creations, rship is not built upon spoken words but heartfelt words!
anyway, chat ended at 6.15 when he is finally feeling sleepy, after feeding himself with all the trival facts and documentaries.. and i have to go for my run with my hugo now.. can u believe how smart is this hugo? he was sleeping so soundly for past hrs, and only to wake up at 6.15am, asking me if i'm going for a run.. incredible radar he has for me~ gtg, my king is awake.
in my all freshened mind, i was able to stay focus on that qn which he wittily diverted.. only managed to get SIAM from him, before he added another character in. SIAM.. if he is typical superficial guy, it'll be easy to decipher it.. but i serious doubt so, he is a perfectionist with lotsa thoughts running in his small brain - that's complicated. *anyone wanna help to guess?* anyway, i managed to dig further.. 2yrs of singlehood; a 'testing water' attitude when joining match.com; no effort will be given unless the flow is right.. and his language is good *what do i expect-NJC*!
this chat is about dogs.. how he regards n plays with his dogs, and me to mine. he likes borzoi for its elegance movement.. and commented i spoilt my hugo for he's literally my king. well, if u love animals, u'll understand the typical topics of playing with dogs, so i shall not bored u with those details.. i can tell he really loves his dogs even though his 'competitive' exercise comes first. it's not easy to find a guy who loves his dogs and willing to be labelled as 'nonsense' as he communicates with the dogs. (if u think it's nonsense to have dog-talk, please examine ur existence of heart!) very often, with such sensitive creations, rship is not built upon spoken words but heartfelt words!
anyway, chat ended at 6.15 when he is finally feeling sleepy, after feeding himself with all the trival facts and documentaries.. and i have to go for my run with my hugo now.. can u believe how smart is this hugo? he was sleeping so soundly for past hrs, and only to wake up at 6.15am, asking me if i'm going for a run.. incredible radar he has for me~ gtg, my king is awake.
Friday, January 15, 2010
15 Jan 10 - unexpected 'offer'
to all my ardent readers out there, here's a piece of news to share with you~
yours faithfully is really convinced that this is end of '2yrs singlehood' as indicated from your Heavenly Father. reason being.. besides the sudden 'influx' of new friends, my sister came into my room with such a grin (u'll know it's not something to ur favour). found herself a comfortable 'seat' on my bed, she started to talk sheepishly:"hey J, i've this friend who want to introduce this guy to you. i also know him he's a very stable guy, 39yrs old, Christian too, enjoys sports.. .. .. if you are interest to know him, as a friend, then i give him your number lah"
picture this - me sitting in my comfort corner with lappy on my laps, in face of this sudden 'offer' how am i supposed to respond? trust me, i could almost laugh off my personal sofa chair! anyway, being rather composed, my 1st reaction- 'who is this friend of urs'; 2nd reaction- ''HUH! 39 is too old lah'; 3rd reaction-'can u introduce to my FB, instead of my mobile'.. i guess she must be very satisfied with my reply.. cos she kinda skipped out of my room and started sharing this news with my mum~ *thanks for the broadcast, sis!*
so, people, rest assured that God's Word is TRUE, to the very details of detailed! u and i might be skeptical or even refuse acceptance about 'Higher Order' but He is sure having His Reality in place for everyone of us. fate? destiny?? opium for the masses (in socialogy terms)??? whatever you term it, view it or deny it, He is just as true as how surreal it sounds.
yours faithfully is really convinced that this is end of '2yrs singlehood' as indicated from your Heavenly Father. reason being.. besides the sudden 'influx' of new friends, my sister came into my room with such a grin (u'll know it's not something to ur favour). found herself a comfortable 'seat' on my bed, she started to talk sheepishly:"hey J, i've this friend who want to introduce this guy to you. i also know him he's a very stable guy, 39yrs old, Christian too, enjoys sports.. .. .. if you are interest to know him, as a friend, then i give him your number lah"
picture this - me sitting in my comfort corner with lappy on my laps, in face of this sudden 'offer' how am i supposed to respond? trust me, i could almost laugh off my personal sofa chair! anyway, being rather composed, my 1st reaction- 'who is this friend of urs'; 2nd reaction- ''HUH! 39 is too old lah'; 3rd reaction-'can u introduce to my FB, instead of my mobile'.. i guess she must be very satisfied with my reply.. cos she kinda skipped out of my room and started sharing this news with my mum~ *thanks for the broadcast, sis!*
so, people, rest assured that God's Word is TRUE, to the very details of detailed! u and i might be skeptical or even refuse acceptance about 'Higher Order' but He is sure having His Reality in place for everyone of us. fate? destiny?? opium for the masses (in socialogy terms)??? whatever you term it, view it or deny it, He is just as true as how surreal it sounds.
Somewhere Out There
time now is 9:41pm.. it's early for me to log in, i know.. but i have to share this good 'discovery' with you people.. not that i'm biased, but this is one of my favourite 'nostalgic' songs ever. and since it's a 'personal concert', why not share it? i really like it cos it's so full of 'logical' faith in love.. somewhere someone out there is wishing upon the same star under the same moon..
http://www.youtube.com/user/AGYC1975#p/a/u/0/ieP0Psh43Bc
Somewhere Out There.. if i remember correctly, it was in a cartoon - American Tail? i still remember how the mice were wishing with such hope and faith as they sang to the moonlight.. ok, yes i am that old to watch that classic movie :( enough said..
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
http://www.youtube.com/user/AGYC1975#p/a/u/0/ieP0Psh43Bc
Somewhere Out There.. if i remember correctly, it was in a cartoon - American Tail? i still remember how the mice were wishing with such hope and faith as they sang to the moonlight.. ok, yes i am that old to watch that classic movie :( enough said..
Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
14 Jan 10 - hungry talk
i declare i'm not doing this on purpose (though a tiny minor part of hope existed).. the truth is i had a cup of tea (comes with my korean set dinner meal), it's keeping me awake even now.. and i am also chatting w one of my taiwanese friends whom i've not contacted for 3yrs~.. then, you-know-who just happened to log in as usual after midnight.. not that i'm waiting for him!!
anyway it's a challenge to chat with 3 guys on different topics (additional friend came online soon after).. i kinda lost my 'usual' concentration with A, even though he was obviously in good musical mood.. can you believe this guy was so in the mood that he wanted to play on his keyboard in the middle of the night~! thank God for electric keyboard and earphones! anyway, he also made me super hungry with his food talk.. about ice cream, milkshake (ok i started these).. and then taiwanese food (i mentioned it's my next craving after r&r ice cream).. in the end, my stomach was groaning with me drooling just at the thoughts of food... of course i blamed on him.
oh yes, he was kinda sweet too - to comfort me on my work rship, which obviously it's all over my FB. he said it reminded him of this song..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdtdP9AQmVA
oh ya!! that overly smart guy managed to divert my attention away, while i was so 'distracted' by other 2 chats! i asked him about his çriteria cos he 'knew' my 5Cs.. yet somehow it turned out to be food talk~!
*********
for the first time ever, A left his comments on my FB at 4.30am! this proves how late he sleeps~! incredible quintessential night person!!
anyway it's a challenge to chat with 3 guys on different topics (additional friend came online soon after).. i kinda lost my 'usual' concentration with A, even though he was obviously in good musical mood.. can you believe this guy was so in the mood that he wanted to play on his keyboard in the middle of the night~! thank God for electric keyboard and earphones! anyway, he also made me super hungry with his food talk.. about ice cream, milkshake (ok i started these).. and then taiwanese food (i mentioned it's my next craving after r&r ice cream).. in the end, my stomach was groaning with me drooling just at the thoughts of food... of course i blamed on him.
oh yes, he was kinda sweet too - to comfort me on my work rship, which obviously it's all over my FB. he said it reminded him of this song..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdtdP9AQmVA
oh ya!! that overly smart guy managed to divert my attention away, while i was so 'distracted' by other 2 chats! i asked him about his çriteria cos he 'knew' my 5Cs.. yet somehow it turned out to be food talk~!
*********
for the first time ever, A left his comments on my FB at 4.30am! this proves how late he sleeps~! incredible quintessential night person!!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
14 Jan 10 - morning hug
the moment i woke up this morning, my lappy was already smiling at me. he has finished his system cleaning.. and restarted himself for my usage. little did i know was the surprise this little guy had in stored for me - an offline msn hug with 'someone missed her bedtime', from you-know-who :P:P cant tell you how surprised i was *thanks, lappy!* and happy to see his msg, even though i was already drifting wild in my dreamland then..
ok, i'm not exaggerating.. my mind was really brainstorming for a good reply while i was brushing up, which took about 5min.. that should indicate how 'important' it was.. anyway, in the end, due to time constraint in morning, i only managed to reply a simple 'miss me??' msg.. ya, i know it's kinda cliche but hey, my mum was hurrying me to get to work..
now that i'm in office, it's pretty strange to have me behaving in this silly manner, esp to someone whom i've never really known.. ya it's so 'teenage stuff' yet i'm freaking in it now.. hahahaa.. my dear gwen told me i just need a man ard me (afterall it's been 2yrs), hence i'm so fuzzed up recently (esp it's after '2yrs singlehood').. perhaps..
but i really hope to get to know A better.. can u people help to pray that he'll adjust his schedule to log into msn before 11pm?! come'on, i'm not asking u to pray he is the one but pray for his efforts~~~ who knows what might behold..
ok, i'm not exaggerating.. my mind was really brainstorming for a good reply while i was brushing up, which took about 5min.. that should indicate how 'important' it was.. anyway, in the end, due to time constraint in morning, i only managed to reply a simple 'miss me??' msg.. ya, i know it's kinda cliche but hey, my mum was hurrying me to get to work..
now that i'm in office, it's pretty strange to have me behaving in this silly manner, esp to someone whom i've never really known.. ya it's so 'teenage stuff' yet i'm freaking in it now.. hahahaa.. my dear gwen told me i just need a man ard me (afterall it's been 2yrs), hence i'm so fuzzed up recently (esp it's after '2yrs singlehood').. perhaps..
but i really hope to get to know A better.. can u people help to pray that he'll adjust his schedule to log into msn before 11pm?! come'on, i'm not asking u to pray he is the one but pray for his efforts~~~ who knows what might behold..
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
12 Jan 10 - 4+3hrs
just have to write this down.. in fact i should have done so, before that CK jerk upset me again(anyway, fyi, i've blocked him so that shows how upsetting this person can be!)
last night was the 2nd night in my past 2yrs in which i had a night-long chat. trust me, i've not been doing such 'teenager' stuff and it is having its toll on me.. needless to say, i sure enjoyed the 2 'wild' sleepless initiative but i also assure u that i sure put up my self-defense no matter how sweet it was. kinda learnt my lesson with people you meet online..
ok, allow me to introduce A..
before this CK, i had a long 4hrs night chat with A (refer to 12Dec09 entry) and honestly i thoroughly enjoyed it - the flow and 'chemistry' if u may call it. i still remember how early i was when i sms 'bon voyage' at 4am to my dear bro who was leaving for his grad trip *see, i still remember~* and i had my 2nd good chat last night. well, if i could 'compare' CK with A, it's pretty obvious that i'd prefer A for the kind of comfort and interaction in our chat.. in fact, he sent his concern n suggestion for my lunch when i was falling sick then yet no appetite to eat.. *that was kinda sweet*
ok, what i know abt this A..
Libra, born in 1975, a business developer in IT MNC *my favourite industry*, a totally busy busy professional living in non-HDB apartment in Clementi area, loves swimming and tennis, goes gym after work before coming home to his jack russel and beagle dogs.. he has 2 younger brothers whom i didn't ask much.. used to take biblical studies in his sec sch, and a NTU grad from NJC *dont doubt- he's smart*
in our last chat, he was so interested to know my 5Cs which then he was so smart and resourceful to take reference from my FB (he actually back-tracked my wall to read through my quzzies n comments!).. even though i refuse to disclose/affirm, he kinda got the 3 of the 5. he kept telling me he's not a Christian as though he knows it's my criteria and he's falling short of this mark.. perhaps it's just too bad that he's too busy in his schedule and could only log in msn past midnight (yes, he's a workaholic).. lest i kinda hope to know him better..
anyway i really enjoyed our chat last night abt classical music (he plays piano/keyboard and guitar~).. he even shared his you-tube upload with me - he played 2 songs on his keyboard.. it was really nice friendly chat to know each other, despite my cynical skeptism. i like the pace of it.. however, he also confessed that he's not ready to adjust his schedule for someone, even though he's 'hoping' somewhere out there she is.. ya, kinda complicated but that's guys - they like to complicate rship. and being J, i put him in his place on this perspective-"if you are keen, you will make time and plan for her".. true, is it not?
and how i hoped he'd get the hint of me sharing one of my favourite song with him.. how i being very frank n honest, confess about my opinionated personality and how guys regard me as íntimidating.. and i even mentioned having a blog for my personal emo expression *this is the 1st time i dare to bring my cyber exsistence up to a stranger*.. rest assured, no matter how resourceful he is, he cant find his way here and i'm definitely not disclosing till he has gained my trust and assurance that he wont freak out with all i'm logging.. trust is something i regard and withhold greatly for that someone worthy.
here're his masterpiece for your enjoyment~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8TiW4igzi4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRjBdIv9JX8
last night was the 2nd night in my past 2yrs in which i had a night-long chat. trust me, i've not been doing such 'teenager' stuff and it is having its toll on me.. needless to say, i sure enjoyed the 2 'wild' sleepless initiative but i also assure u that i sure put up my self-defense no matter how sweet it was. kinda learnt my lesson with people you meet online..
ok, allow me to introduce A..
before this CK, i had a long 4hrs night chat with A (refer to 12Dec09 entry) and honestly i thoroughly enjoyed it - the flow and 'chemistry' if u may call it. i still remember how early i was when i sms 'bon voyage' at 4am to my dear bro who was leaving for his grad trip *see, i still remember~* and i had my 2nd good chat last night. well, if i could 'compare' CK with A, it's pretty obvious that i'd prefer A for the kind of comfort and interaction in our chat.. in fact, he sent his concern n suggestion for my lunch when i was falling sick then yet no appetite to eat.. *that was kinda sweet*
ok, what i know abt this A..
Libra, born in 1975, a business developer in IT MNC *my favourite industry*, a totally busy busy professional living in non-HDB apartment in Clementi area, loves swimming and tennis, goes gym after work before coming home to his jack russel and beagle dogs.. he has 2 younger brothers whom i didn't ask much.. used to take biblical studies in his sec sch, and a NTU grad from NJC *dont doubt- he's smart*
in our last chat, he was so interested to know my 5Cs which then he was so smart and resourceful to take reference from my FB (he actually back-tracked my wall to read through my quzzies n comments!).. even though i refuse to disclose/affirm, he kinda got the 3 of the 5. he kept telling me he's not a Christian as though he knows it's my criteria and he's falling short of this mark.. perhaps it's just too bad that he's too busy in his schedule and could only log in msn past midnight (yes, he's a workaholic).. lest i kinda hope to know him better..
anyway i really enjoyed our chat last night abt classical music (he plays piano/keyboard and guitar~).. he even shared his you-tube upload with me - he played 2 songs on his keyboard.. it was really nice friendly chat to know each other, despite my cynical skeptism. i like the pace of it.. however, he also confessed that he's not ready to adjust his schedule for someone, even though he's 'hoping' somewhere out there she is.. ya, kinda complicated but that's guys - they like to complicate rship. and being J, i put him in his place on this perspective-"if you are keen, you will make time and plan for her".. true, is it not?
and how i hoped he'd get the hint of me sharing one of my favourite song with him.. how i being very frank n honest, confess about my opinionated personality and how guys regard me as íntimidating.. and i even mentioned having a blog for my personal emo expression *this is the 1st time i dare to bring my cyber exsistence up to a stranger*.. rest assured, no matter how resourceful he is, he cant find his way here and i'm definitely not disclosing till he has gained my trust and assurance that he wont freak out with all i'm logging.. trust is something i regard and withhold greatly for that someone worthy.
here're his masterpiece for your enjoyment~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8TiW4igzi4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRjBdIv9JX8
Sunday, January 10, 2010
10 Jan 10 - last entourage
before i switched off for the day, after almost 13hrs of preparation and coordination for Cheryl's wedding, i really have to note this down.. oh btw, CONGRATULATIONS, MR & MRS DON CHNG..
looking at all the hipe in bride's entourage, i really felt so 'nothing', let alone planning those 'trials and tests' for the bridegroom. all the exotic food and drinks, all those fancy games and questions.. i really felt "oh come'on, these're so oldfashioned in different presentations, again?''
perhaps i should be happy in weddings, perhaps i'm really tired.. perhaps the reason why i'm not married cos i'm not ready for such wedding stuff.. emotionally and mentally, i had been there done that (ie married) even though legally not so. all the wedding planning, details and arrangements had my full attention and had been vividly 'rehearsed' when i was 'married' then. every details, every process flow and JP to appoint had been carefully thought in details and planned.. yes, it was mind-straining but it was J before my wedding burst into the air where it was.
sharing cheryl's careful (elaborated) planning today, i know and i know this is my last entourage assistance cos i really dont feel the excitement of waking up early, assisting the bride to take care of details throughtout the day, making every guests feel welcomed and ensuring everything everyone is well-taken care of. from foreseeing to planning, from planning to coordinating, from coordinating to executing... i can really understand why it seems like a 'event', rather than a wedding..
what will happen to my own wedding (if i ever have the chance)? will i go thru those detailed planning?? will i get excited??? i doubt so.. for current J, if i could outsource everything to someone, i'd gladly do so (even though i still agree that it will be more fun and commitment for wedding couple to go thru the 'torturous' planning). of course, i'll still want to choose my own wedding gown or even design one. but the rest.. can i trust and throw them upon my fussy complainsome sister (i'll close both eyes to ensure we dun quarrel)? i know my young cousins are looking forward to be my entourage but do i really want an entourage??
for now, my dream wedding is really 'get over and done with'.. the appeal of fuss-free wedding holiday seems so good - register marriage, fly out with immediate families as a wedding celebration. or better still, register marriage and a 10 tables (relatives only) with Holy Matrimony and that's it~ i really dont mind having a picnic wedding if possible.. what else matters when i have my whole family and beloved hugo to witness and share my joy? how about my friends?? ermm.. marriage is now a 'private' celebration, i'll treat them to a meal or so in the right time..
looking at all the hipe in bride's entourage, i really felt so 'nothing', let alone planning those 'trials and tests' for the bridegroom. all the exotic food and drinks, all those fancy games and questions.. i really felt "oh come'on, these're so oldfashioned in different presentations, again?''
perhaps i should be happy in weddings, perhaps i'm really tired.. perhaps the reason why i'm not married cos i'm not ready for such wedding stuff.. emotionally and mentally, i had been there done that (ie married) even though legally not so. all the wedding planning, details and arrangements had my full attention and had been vividly 'rehearsed' when i was 'married' then. every details, every process flow and JP to appoint had been carefully thought in details and planned.. yes, it was mind-straining but it was J before my wedding burst into the air where it was.
sharing cheryl's careful (elaborated) planning today, i know and i know this is my last entourage assistance cos i really dont feel the excitement of waking up early, assisting the bride to take care of details throughtout the day, making every guests feel welcomed and ensuring everything everyone is well-taken care of. from foreseeing to planning, from planning to coordinating, from coordinating to executing... i can really understand why it seems like a 'event', rather than a wedding..
what will happen to my own wedding (if i ever have the chance)? will i go thru those detailed planning?? will i get excited??? i doubt so.. for current J, if i could outsource everything to someone, i'd gladly do so (even though i still agree that it will be more fun and commitment for wedding couple to go thru the 'torturous' planning). of course, i'll still want to choose my own wedding gown or even design one. but the rest.. can i trust and throw them upon my fussy complainsome sister (i'll close both eyes to ensure we dun quarrel)? i know my young cousins are looking forward to be my entourage but do i really want an entourage??
for now, my dream wedding is really 'get over and done with'.. the appeal of fuss-free wedding holiday seems so good - register marriage, fly out with immediate families as a wedding celebration. or better still, register marriage and a 10 tables (relatives only) with Holy Matrimony and that's it~ i really dont mind having a picnic wedding if possible.. what else matters when i have my whole family and beloved hugo to witness and share my joy? how about my friends?? ermm.. marriage is now a 'private' celebration, i'll treat them to a meal or so in the right time..
Thursday, January 07, 2010
7 Jan 10 - marine people
for those of u who also track my FB status, u will know why i have this thought now.. in midst of mental battle with that snot.
marine, shipping, offshore.. one might think 'what a lucrative industry' which i do agree.. but the manner of trade, the manners of people.. are so totally hustling! i might even say 'openly under table'! yes, i know i complaint abt the way my boss trade when i started this job.. yet i still cant stand the way this trade is managed!
ok, back to the 'marine' people.. i realised one thing they have in common - their words cant be trusted! they act as 'big-shots' and lead lavishly lifestyle for network. ok, i admit they are also freaking rich to do so. evidence? my snobbish rude boss? my buddy also reminded me of our rich friend who has been enjoying his shipping trade with frequent excessive entertainment? and not to mention my recent friend - CK who admit he is a hustler by profession in shipping line. ok, marine market is not that small but just so happen that all i've known in this trade are totally arrogantly ill-mannered! do i make my point?
i was pretty amused by the fact that my buddy shared this sentiment with me.. i mean, he tried this trade for 1 yr or so before.. now then he's telling me he cant stand this haughty network. *thank God that he's out now - i saw his change when he was in this market and i truly really dont like it* seriously, if u think americans are arrogant, surely u have not been in company of shippers~ they have such pure down-right overbearing pride evidenced by a superior manner toward inferiors, who happen to be everyone except themselves. is it a trade DNA? or bcos marine/shipping is the only industry where such personality can be contained?
seriously, my 2-cents worth of advice to all of you out there, do not befriend any trader or owners in this marine line, unless you have a strong heart to battle their imperious attitude. ... i think my heart is really getting weaker by day..
marine, shipping, offshore.. one might think 'what a lucrative industry' which i do agree.. but the manner of trade, the manners of people.. are so totally hustling! i might even say 'openly under table'! yes, i know i complaint abt the way my boss trade when i started this job.. yet i still cant stand the way this trade is managed!
ok, back to the 'marine' people.. i realised one thing they have in common - their words cant be trusted! they act as 'big-shots' and lead lavishly lifestyle for network. ok, i admit they are also freaking rich to do so. evidence? my snobbish rude boss? my buddy also reminded me of our rich friend who has been enjoying his shipping trade with frequent excessive entertainment? and not to mention my recent friend - CK who admit he is a hustler by profession in shipping line. ok, marine market is not that small but just so happen that all i've known in this trade are totally arrogantly ill-mannered! do i make my point?
i was pretty amused by the fact that my buddy shared this sentiment with me.. i mean, he tried this trade for 1 yr or so before.. now then he's telling me he cant stand this haughty network. *thank God that he's out now - i saw his change when he was in this market and i truly really dont like it* seriously, if u think americans are arrogant, surely u have not been in company of shippers~ they have such pure down-right overbearing pride evidenced by a superior manner toward inferiors, who happen to be everyone except themselves. is it a trade DNA? or bcos marine/shipping is the only industry where such personality can be contained?
seriously, my 2-cents worth of advice to all of you out there, do not befriend any trader or owners in this marine line, unless you have a strong heart to battle their imperious attitude. ... i think my heart is really getting weaker by day..
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
6 Jan 10 - unappreciative BRAT
i'm so so angry w my rich stupid boss..
1) he blamed me for the wrong wall colour, even though he was the one who discussed and approved the designers' concept. and i'm very certain they presented a graphic reference before settling down on the materials. so, i'm very sure it's his overlook, rather than my 'fault' to compromise.. seriously! his words are so versatile that i should record every meeting he has in order to safeguard myself in future.. speaking of words, he does not even reply to his emails! how can he expect to know what his decision change was when he dont reply emails~!?
2) the stupid network went unstable again.. and his laptop was obviously affected.. in spite of appreciating me trying my own means n social connections to fix that damn thing up, he complaint i should have tested the network (which obviously I DID!).. and when my friend came to help re-configure after his work, he practically ignored my friend! HOW DAMN RUDE!
3) and my compensation package.. it's a totally peanut package lor! he thinks this is china huh?! no incentive or whatsoever.. just 'i pay u work' mindset! oh my goodness, he still regards himself as 'good paying boss'!! such a 'small company' mindset!! u wan to get good people, yet only paying peanuts!! if you continue to compare the salary scale in singapore with china's low wages, then jolly well get a china person to work here!
i'm so so pissed lah! keep boasting abt his wealthy lifestyle, and how he want this office to grow into MNC culture yet not willing to have a better management strategy! seriously!! i better keep my job offers open from now on!
1) he blamed me for the wrong wall colour, even though he was the one who discussed and approved the designers' concept. and i'm very certain they presented a graphic reference before settling down on the materials. so, i'm very sure it's his overlook, rather than my 'fault' to compromise.. seriously! his words are so versatile that i should record every meeting he has in order to safeguard myself in future.. speaking of words, he does not even reply to his emails! how can he expect to know what his decision change was when he dont reply emails~!?
2) the stupid network went unstable again.. and his laptop was obviously affected.. in spite of appreciating me trying my own means n social connections to fix that damn thing up, he complaint i should have tested the network (which obviously I DID!).. and when my friend came to help re-configure after his work, he practically ignored my friend! HOW DAMN RUDE!
3) and my compensation package.. it's a totally peanut package lor! he thinks this is china huh?! no incentive or whatsoever.. just 'i pay u work' mindset! oh my goodness, he still regards himself as 'good paying boss'!! such a 'small company' mindset!! u wan to get good people, yet only paying peanuts!! if you continue to compare the salary scale in singapore with china's low wages, then jolly well get a china person to work here!
i'm so so pissed lah! keep boasting abt his wealthy lifestyle, and how he want this office to grow into MNC culture yet not willing to have a better management strategy! seriously!! i better keep my job offers open from now on!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
5 Jan 10 - nutty attraction
can i be really really bluntly honest in MY BLOG?!
i really think i have really liked CK, despite his arrogance and misanthropical attitude! *ooh my gosh,J!* yes, omg is the word i've been telling myself.. but i cant help thinking abt his words, no matter how irritating it rings in my ears; cant help wondering what on earth is he thinking, even though i know it's all about himself; cant help guessing what is his motivation for knowing me.. yes, you can say i still dont trust him yet it is exactly this distrust that attracts me.. it's not about 'it's usually jerks whom girls fallen in love' but it is really our difference that attracts me... yes, i know i'm courting for trouble (as usual.. right, GQ?)
after my final chat with him, his 'gd morn' and 'how's ur day' greetings just seem to disappear altogether.. i know guys are able to let the affairs of heart go easily, afterall it's only 1wk rship (if i can call it a rship). but somehow, there're so many qns about him which ... unsettled. i know i have to let it go.. i know somehow i will .. but meantime, allow me to ponder and wonder on this mysterous attraction which is haunting me..
will he take another step to know me again? NOPE, i seriously doubt so, unless he's nuts. after 3 crashing course of outings, i think i know him that much to know that he wont regret on his actions done.. unless a miracle happens~ ... *J, stop checking ur msn for him to be online!* *stop getting excited when he is online!*
i really think i have really liked CK, despite his arrogance and misanthropical attitude! *ooh my gosh,J!* yes, omg is the word i've been telling myself.. but i cant help thinking abt his words, no matter how irritating it rings in my ears; cant help wondering what on earth is he thinking, even though i know it's all about himself; cant help guessing what is his motivation for knowing me.. yes, you can say i still dont trust him yet it is exactly this distrust that attracts me.. it's not about 'it's usually jerks whom girls fallen in love' but it is really our difference that attracts me... yes, i know i'm courting for trouble (as usual.. right, GQ?)
after my final chat with him, his 'gd morn' and 'how's ur day' greetings just seem to disappear altogether.. i know guys are able to let the affairs of heart go easily, afterall it's only 1wk rship (if i can call it a rship). but somehow, there're so many qns about him which ... unsettled. i know i have to let it go.. i know somehow i will .. but meantime, allow me to ponder and wonder on this mysterous attraction which is haunting me..
will he take another step to know me again? NOPE, i seriously doubt so, unless he's nuts. after 3 crashing course of outings, i think i know him that much to know that he wont regret on his actions done.. unless a miracle happens~ ... *J, stop checking ur msn for him to be online!* *stop getting excited when he is online!*
Sunday, January 03, 2010
2 Jan 10 - hard to make peace
*J, u shld really start a school.. a training centre or something to turn boys into man for relationship.. it's just so in you, such a 'gift'!*
i really 'cut it clean' in my heart after CK made me angry on the first morning of the year, with his inconsiderate expression of views..and my 'clean cut' gained consensus support from friends who knew n care for me.. but something was 'lingering' as if i had to do something to reconcile.. after a night's fun of drinking n dancing, this prompting still haunted me. in the end, i turned to my 'last resort' - prayer to God. during service today, i really prayed like no other to lift up this heavy 'should reconciliate' heart to God (afterall, he's the one who made me angry why should i initiate chat again?).. but as i lift this matter to God, the stronger the affirmation that i should initiate chat, the more peace resides in my heart.. *J, u just do not have the calibre to argue/quarrel* ok, regardless of how i feel, i have to bring peace to an annoying conflict, esp with a stubborn person.
it so happened that he's online at this unusual hour where he'd normally be offline. being totally at peace, with an attitude of 'well, someone has to tell him that somehow', i broke the cyber ice. even though i've always been open in my expressions and feelings, initiating such casual greeting was not easy.. and at some points, i could even feel my frustration steaming up. however, strange as it sounds, something somehow managed to cool the frustration and turn my annoyed thoughts into rationale calming words with hope of 'reaching out' to his understanding. trust me, if i didn't know the Holy Spirit, i'm pretty sure i'm having split-personality (which i do?! :P) but seriously, i myself was totally amazed by the logic and choice of words when i saw my msn typed reply. if tai-chi martial arts is about balancing the force of attack, i'm a super black belt tai-chi master in my language!! i'm totally amazed at how calm,peaceful and rationale i was when i've given up~ all i hope to bring across is "for sake of your future rship, learn to respect if u cant accept"
anyway, back to the ice breaking... this is the 1st time ever that we didn't have argument on msn! in fact, he was so silent (lazy perhaps?) when i was explaining my viewpoints and giving advice on 'stop being a hedgehog!'.. this is the first time i dont feel like a 'little girl' to him and was finally getting his attention in my speech (i hope so!).. i'm totally in awe of what God can do!
Matt 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
i really 'cut it clean' in my heart after CK made me angry on the first morning of the year, with his inconsiderate expression of views..and my 'clean cut' gained consensus support from friends who knew n care for me.. but something was 'lingering' as if i had to do something to reconcile.. after a night's fun of drinking n dancing, this prompting still haunted me. in the end, i turned to my 'last resort' - prayer to God. during service today, i really prayed like no other to lift up this heavy 'should reconciliate' heart to God (afterall, he's the one who made me angry why should i initiate chat again?).. but as i lift this matter to God, the stronger the affirmation that i should initiate chat, the more peace resides in my heart.. *J, u just do not have the calibre to argue/quarrel* ok, regardless of how i feel, i have to bring peace to an annoying conflict, esp with a stubborn person.
it so happened that he's online at this unusual hour where he'd normally be offline. being totally at peace, with an attitude of 'well, someone has to tell him that somehow', i broke the cyber ice. even though i've always been open in my expressions and feelings, initiating such casual greeting was not easy.. and at some points, i could even feel my frustration steaming up. however, strange as it sounds, something somehow managed to cool the frustration and turn my annoyed thoughts into rationale calming words with hope of 'reaching out' to his understanding. trust me, if i didn't know the Holy Spirit, i'm pretty sure i'm having split-personality (which i do?! :P) but seriously, i myself was totally amazed by the logic and choice of words when i saw my msn typed reply. if tai-chi martial arts is about balancing the force of attack, i'm a super black belt tai-chi master in my language!! i'm totally amazed at how calm,peaceful and rationale i was when i've given up~ all i hope to bring across is "for sake of your future rship, learn to respect if u cant accept"
anyway, back to the ice breaking... this is the 1st time ever that we didn't have argument on msn! in fact, he was so silent (lazy perhaps?) when i was explaining my viewpoints and giving advice on 'stop being a hedgehog!'.. this is the first time i dont feel like a 'little girl' to him and was finally getting his attention in my speech (i hope so!).. i'm totally in awe of what God can do!
Matt 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Friday, January 01, 2010
1 Jan 10 - sembawang park n room
did you people had a good countdown and rest? well, i sure had a great BBQ gathering w my relatives.. we (the younger generation) were so happy and efficient in getting the food cooked that we practically cooked 90% within 2hrs, and resulted in lotsa leftovers. then someone came up with this idea of forfeit which i could nearly die! i ate 4 fishballs in a row, just because i lost in our cardgame! *seriously, J, you shld have known better to play.. u could have choke yourself, you know?* and that game of 99 required so much concentration cos i kept forgetting to replace my cards!
anyway, that was it - nice fun night of food and games.
as just i'm about to turn in for the countdown (totally tired after the games;no energy for countdown), CK asked me out for a chat.. i went, we chat and ok, that was a proper 2nd nightout (i chose to remember good dates only).. things are clearer and yet, still open for options. never mind abt the details, i also couldn't remember much.. cos i was kinda affected by the venue.. the memories in that place - Sembawang Park. ok, i know i should not but i just cant help it when i'm back to such memorable place, ya?
guess the impact was kinda great cos it affected my sleep.. i'm back to his room where everything stayed the way they were when we were together, before he left.. *it's actually kinda weird that i actually still remember how he arranged his things, but hey, the fact that i'm remembering also means i'm regaining my memory function of brain about him = recovered from the great trauma.* anyway, he was not in that room anymore..in fact, that (505) room was locked before someone (i dun remember) trespassed in and open from inside.. an empty room with table fan switched on, and my photos on his table.. it's like visiting a crime scene where everything was so 'real' except they are "in the past"..trust me, it's not my favourite scene, esp my parents were in that dream too, looking around for him and very concerned about how i was taking his absence... the part that i like best is that i entered the room with hurt and disappointment, but left with relief - a sense of 'ok, i'm moving on'. then, i'm transported into the sunshine in my dream, before i woke up..
is there a joseph in my midst who can explain this dream to me??
anyway, that was it - nice fun night of food and games.
as just i'm about to turn in for the countdown (totally tired after the games;no energy for countdown), CK asked me out for a chat.. i went, we chat and ok, that was a proper 2nd nightout (i chose to remember good dates only).. things are clearer and yet, still open for options. never mind abt the details, i also couldn't remember much.. cos i was kinda affected by the venue.. the memories in that place - Sembawang Park. ok, i know i should not but i just cant help it when i'm back to such memorable place, ya?
guess the impact was kinda great cos it affected my sleep.. i'm back to his room where everything stayed the way they were when we were together, before he left.. *it's actually kinda weird that i actually still remember how he arranged his things, but hey, the fact that i'm remembering also means i'm regaining my memory function of brain about him = recovered from the great trauma.* anyway, he was not in that room anymore..in fact, that (505) room was locked before someone (i dun remember) trespassed in and open from inside.. an empty room with table fan switched on, and my photos on his table.. it's like visiting a crime scene where everything was so 'real' except they are "in the past"..trust me, it's not my favourite scene, esp my parents were in that dream too, looking around for him and very concerned about how i was taking his absence... the part that i like best is that i entered the room with hurt and disappointment, but left with relief - a sense of 'ok, i'm moving on'. then, i'm transported into the sunshine in my dream, before i woke up..
is there a joseph in my midst who can explain this dream to me??
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