what is there to comment tonight? i simply miss my darling..
it's been 1 week since i returned to singapore.. since last sunday,i ve not been hearing from him. he's always working long hours and fell asleep the moment he reached home (even without bath!). i tried to sms him but he seem to be too busy to reply..
dont' worry people, my rship is fine n i'm not suspecting him for any affair *as if he dares*.. i know he's very busy in his new project, but.. being his gf, i m in this difficult position of missing him yet not distracting him.. my solution? - alcohol. (wait! before you start saying i'm alcoholic *i knew you'd!*, i only had 1 SHORT flask of sake with my sushi dinner~!) but i still miss him~~ esp his mobile is switched off now!!*what the hell is happening?!!*
i miss you darling.. even hearing your voice would be really comforting now~ tmr is sunday, hope you can rest from work...
我住长江头，君住长江尾，日日思君不见君，共饮长江水。此水几时休，此恨何时已，只愿君心似我心，定不负相思意。
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
20 Jul 10 - UP and down of long distance rship
if u watch the tv series '宮心計' u will be touched by the love between the goody maiden (三好) and the dashing knight (顯揚). their love is so accidental, forbidden yet so blessed.. they really cherish the limited precious time of being together,away from others in palace. whenever he has to leave palace on official trips, she'll look forward to the night where he promised he'll return...and he never fail in his words.
not trying to be drama-queen, but i really shared her feelings when they could finally meet again,after his long official travel.. unfortunately,i dont have the virtue of patience like hers. i know and i expect myself to throw some tantrums now and then - the aftermath of loneliness. *hey, what do u expect? i live in reality, not tv*
after throwing some emo tantrums i flew to hongkong last wkends to be with my darling.. after 1 whole mth of 15mins video chat (he's in US) each day, i finally get to hold his hands and be in his hug.. NOTHING BEATS THE REAL THING! however, our 'quality' time was limited by his work schedule which i had to spend the whole of sunday ALONE under hkg's insane summer heat! firstly,i m not the shopping type of girl - leaving me walking aimlessly; secondly,the freaking heat is really so so so HOT- i nearly fainted on the street! if not for the ONE available seat in the starbucks at a corner, you can be sure i'd have dehydrated and fainted in foreign land *i have never appreciated the trees on singapore streets till now! i so love u,trees of singapore!!* it's just freaking too hot to go out anywhere! for the first time of my travel life, i'm actually checked into airport 3HRS before departure!! i decided it's better to stay in airport with higher chance of 'notifying' the airline in case i faint, at least i wont miss my flight~ *did i mention i was escorted to boarding gate cos i arrived in airport at 810pm for 830pm flight? the gate was re-opened cos of me! gosh, that was one hell rush of experience!*
back to my time w darling.. i really miss him though i could only have his saturday last week. being with him, no matter how familiar hkg is to me, i can choose to 'switch off' my navigation mode and simply follow his directions (though mine may be better). i surprised myself that i actually could be such dependent woman..i know how difficult it was for him to 'sneak out' from work, in midst of his busy project. i really appreciate his efforts and really cant bear to let him return to work on sunday morning~ *when will these sweet-meetings-sad-departures ever going to end? can i just have a normal rship with normal time schedule??* now.. all i can do is try to get back on my feet, and be INdependent again till our next meeting..
p/s: my darling is so sweet~ he 'advanced' his chinese vday present *i like it so much!* despite my 'heartache' on the cost! and he even bought a couple of supplements as allies against my depression and my weak knees~ *so thoughtful,right? but who wants to receive pills as gifts?! :( *...... now the pressure is on me to get his vday present!! any GOOD suggestion?
oh, btw this is our FIRST Vday (even though it's chinese one), and he'll be in US (again) on that day!!! :(((
not trying to be drama-queen, but i really shared her feelings when they could finally meet again,after his long official travel.. unfortunately,i dont have the virtue of patience like hers. i know and i expect myself to throw some tantrums now and then - the aftermath of loneliness. *hey, what do u expect? i live in reality, not tv*
after throwing some emo tantrums i flew to hongkong last wkends to be with my darling.. after 1 whole mth of 15mins video chat (he's in US) each day, i finally get to hold his hands and be in his hug.. NOTHING BEATS THE REAL THING! however, our 'quality' time was limited by his work schedule which i had to spend the whole of sunday ALONE under hkg's insane summer heat! firstly,i m not the shopping type of girl - leaving me walking aimlessly; secondly,the freaking heat is really so so so HOT- i nearly fainted on the street! if not for the ONE available seat in the starbucks at a corner, you can be sure i'd have dehydrated and fainted in foreign land *i have never appreciated the trees on singapore streets till now! i so love u,trees of singapore!!* it's just freaking too hot to go out anywhere! for the first time of my travel life, i'm actually checked into airport 3HRS before departure!! i decided it's better to stay in airport with higher chance of 'notifying' the airline in case i faint, at least i wont miss my flight~ *did i mention i was escorted to boarding gate cos i arrived in airport at 810pm for 830pm flight? the gate was re-opened cos of me! gosh, that was one hell rush of experience!*
back to my time w darling.. i really miss him though i could only have his saturday last week. being with him, no matter how familiar hkg is to me, i can choose to 'switch off' my navigation mode and simply follow his directions (though mine may be better). i surprised myself that i actually could be such dependent woman..i know how difficult it was for him to 'sneak out' from work, in midst of his busy project. i really appreciate his efforts and really cant bear to let him return to work on sunday morning~ *when will these sweet-meetings-sad-departures ever going to end? can i just have a normal rship with normal time schedule??* now.. all i can do is try to get back on my feet, and be INdependent again till our next meeting..
p/s: my darling is so sweet~ he 'advanced' his chinese vday present *i like it so much!* despite my 'heartache' on the cost! and he even bought a couple of supplements as allies against my depression and my weak knees~ *so thoughtful,right? but who wants to receive pills as gifts?! :( *...... now the pressure is on me to get his vday present!! any GOOD suggestion?
oh, btw this is our FIRST Vday (even though it's chinese one), and he'll be in US (again) on that day!!! :(((
Sunday, July 11, 2010
10 Jul 10 - indifference rship
dont know why.. i kinda feel down today, and decided to go out on rainy day. nowhere in mind, i headed down the most crowded part of singapore - orchard. but the moment i arrived, i felt so lost and started to loiter (walk aimlessly).. even though the stores are having sale, but i simply have no mood to look around or walk around.. to be frank, i'm like a dolled-up zombie walking in the flow of crowd.. after 15mins or so, i gave up my afloat condition and headed home by bus.. i'm actually quite glad i'm caught in a traffic jam~
my sisters? didnt u know i'd rather go out alone than to shop with them, lest it'll sure be a 'cat-fight' scene.. let alone they have their own programs n bf... my girlfriends?? if u r at my age, ur girlfriends will be spending time with their hubby/ in-laws/ boyfriend.. seriously, the only time they'll call me out if when their hubby/bf is not available, i'll stand in as their 'back-up'.. sounds pathetic? ya, that's a sad fact..
what abt my bf.. sometimes i really dont know if i'm in a rship.. if having a partner is for emotional support, my support is my work.. if the partner is for companionship, i dont feel his presence... i know he loves me very much, cherishes our rship but as the old saying goes - nothing beats being around for you. when i wanted to buy something for him, i realised we've not spent enough time to know each other's preference and fashion sense. when i want to share my food, there's no one at my table..
i start to wonder how long this will last, esp knowing myself as 'out-of-sight,out-of-mind' person.. since our disagreement on my job offer fr previous company, i started to wonder how to communicate,how to reason with him..he has his views and refuse to hear my arguments without labelling me as 'inconsiderate'.. bcos of this topic, i have been avoiding 'heart-to-heart' chat with him past week.
anyway, he just returned fr US this early morning, in taipei.. he wanted to continue his flight hours by coming to singapore - that's 10hrs fr US to taipei + another 6hrs indirect flight to singapore~ totally unacceptable for my rational mind! hence, i kinda ticked him off the idea..
but when i called him after my orchard drift, he's not answering his mobile and his mother told me he's gone out early afternoon.. the first thing that came to my mind was 'is he flying over now?'.. i checked the airline - indeed there's a evening flight (his intended flight this morning).. 'a surprise?' my heart suddenly felt excited.. i called and sms again but he's still not contactable.. it's just so happened that i had to pick my sis up fr airport at the same arrival time, hence i was really in mix of excitement and wonder in my journey to airport.. even though i tried to reason with myself with all the impossibilities, i cant help feeling hopeful..
at 8.45pm, 2 sms came in at same time - one was fr my sis announcing her flight had just touched down at changi airport, another was his apology for leaving his mobile at home whole afternoon. in that instant, all impossibilities became reality. my heart kinda sank, yet knowing very well he did nothing wrong. serious, i was kinda saddened by this cruel reality, no matter how much i've prepared myself to face 'no surprise' scenario... yes i miss him..
why must i be so complicated?.. like i told my bro - cos i'm a female.
my sisters? didnt u know i'd rather go out alone than to shop with them, lest it'll sure be a 'cat-fight' scene.. let alone they have their own programs n bf... my girlfriends?? if u r at my age, ur girlfriends will be spending time with their hubby/ in-laws/ boyfriend.. seriously, the only time they'll call me out if when their hubby/bf is not available, i'll stand in as their 'back-up'.. sounds pathetic? ya, that's a sad fact..
what abt my bf.. sometimes i really dont know if i'm in a rship.. if having a partner is for emotional support, my support is my work.. if the partner is for companionship, i dont feel his presence... i know he loves me very much, cherishes our rship but as the old saying goes - nothing beats being around for you. when i wanted to buy something for him, i realised we've not spent enough time to know each other's preference and fashion sense. when i want to share my food, there's no one at my table..
i start to wonder how long this will last, esp knowing myself as 'out-of-sight,out-of-mind' person.. since our disagreement on my job offer fr previous company, i started to wonder how to communicate,how to reason with him..he has his views and refuse to hear my arguments without labelling me as 'inconsiderate'.. bcos of this topic, i have been avoiding 'heart-to-heart' chat with him past week.
anyway, he just returned fr US this early morning, in taipei.. he wanted to continue his flight hours by coming to singapore - that's 10hrs fr US to taipei + another 6hrs indirect flight to singapore~ totally unacceptable for my rational mind! hence, i kinda ticked him off the idea..
but when i called him after my orchard drift, he's not answering his mobile and his mother told me he's gone out early afternoon.. the first thing that came to my mind was 'is he flying over now?'.. i checked the airline - indeed there's a evening flight (his intended flight this morning).. 'a surprise?' my heart suddenly felt excited.. i called and sms again but he's still not contactable.. it's just so happened that i had to pick my sis up fr airport at the same arrival time, hence i was really in mix of excitement and wonder in my journey to airport.. even though i tried to reason with myself with all the impossibilities, i cant help feeling hopeful..
at 8.45pm, 2 sms came in at same time - one was fr my sis announcing her flight had just touched down at changi airport, another was his apology for leaving his mobile at home whole afternoon. in that instant, all impossibilities became reality. my heart kinda sank, yet knowing very well he did nothing wrong. serious, i was kinda saddened by this cruel reality, no matter how much i've prepared myself to face 'no surprise' scenario... yes i miss him..
why must i be so complicated?.. like i told my bro - cos i'm a female.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
3 Jul 10 - pissed pissED PISSED!
i m very upset now.. VERY might even be understatement..
i know i failed in my words last night.. i thought it's just a normal dinner chat with colleagues, but it turned out to be a really exciting dinner cum world cup match *holland was really outstanding, despite the damn fast goal from brazil* the whole brewery restaurant went so wild with shouts and enthusiasm *that's why watching soccer match in big groups are really engaging~* so much so that i was tempted to watch the finals with friends next week.. as a result of the excitement and hipe, my group decided to share jugs of beer *ok the beer is really fresh n nice, even for non-beer drinker like me* where we cheered, chatted and shared 'rship' stories with one another till wee hours (typical girls' talk).
the very moment i reach home, i tried to redeem myself at first hour by calling my darling whom i know will be very upset with me.. i was that prepared to face the music.. i didnt inform him earlier cos he told me he had morning meeting (UTC-7hrs).. anyway i knew i have to face the music so i called.. his tone indicated he's very upset even though he kept saying 'never mind,go and sleep'..
i didnt have a good sleep *there must be some phobia in my subconscious about catching flights* this time i dreamt i had to catch 5.30pm flight, and it's already 4.30pm i'm still at home! i simply threw necessary toiletries and a couple of clothes into a really small bag and rush for transport to airport.. i was so time-conscious about getting to airport on-time, before the boarding gate close at 5pm~ somehow everything was in such a rush under great stress for time.. i shouted aloud in panic and woke myself up (again!).. it's 8am on 3Jul10 morning and i only slept at 3.30am last night!
everything just went totally wrong for me this morning since the dream, despite really nice cooling weather (rare phenomenon in singapore)... slight headache cos of lack of sleep => noisy (very interactive) family breakfast + concerned with my darling's anger.. then my ultimate red stop was pressed when a woman answered his mobile! i was totally pissed pissed!! i can understand that office mobile tends to swap between users but it just got me boiling with the fact that i was not informed~!!when i finally managed to log online, we had such a quarrel across distance and timezone!
i know i'm in the wrong for last night and i am really sorry for it.. but he amplified the issue to the assumption that my words cannot be trusted! THAT WAS IT! no matter how much i tried to reason for my failure, how much i tried to excuse him for his fury (he's been working around the clock past days - i know it's very tiring), 'your words cannot be trusted' was really my last straw!! was he reasonable when he decided not to inform of his mobile swap despite his anger (those are 2 different issues!)?! how about my feelings when i was trying so hard to contact him (mobile and room) only to hear a woman answer his mobile?!
talk about bad morning, i really had it all this morning!! i am so in bad mood now!
i know i failed in my words last night.. i thought it's just a normal dinner chat with colleagues, but it turned out to be a really exciting dinner cum world cup match *holland was really outstanding, despite the damn fast goal from brazil* the whole brewery restaurant went so wild with shouts and enthusiasm *that's why watching soccer match in big groups are really engaging~* so much so that i was tempted to watch the finals with friends next week.. as a result of the excitement and hipe, my group decided to share jugs of beer *ok the beer is really fresh n nice, even for non-beer drinker like me* where we cheered, chatted and shared 'rship' stories with one another till wee hours (typical girls' talk).
the very moment i reach home, i tried to redeem myself at first hour by calling my darling whom i know will be very upset with me.. i was that prepared to face the music.. i didnt inform him earlier cos he told me he had morning meeting (UTC-7hrs).. anyway i knew i have to face the music so i called.. his tone indicated he's very upset even though he kept saying 'never mind,go and sleep'..
i didnt have a good sleep *there must be some phobia in my subconscious about catching flights* this time i dreamt i had to catch 5.30pm flight, and it's already 4.30pm i'm still at home! i simply threw necessary toiletries and a couple of clothes into a really small bag and rush for transport to airport.. i was so time-conscious about getting to airport on-time, before the boarding gate close at 5pm~ somehow everything was in such a rush under great stress for time.. i shouted aloud in panic and woke myself up (again!).. it's 8am on 3Jul10 morning and i only slept at 3.30am last night!
everything just went totally wrong for me this morning since the dream, despite really nice cooling weather (rare phenomenon in singapore)... slight headache cos of lack of sleep => noisy (very interactive) family breakfast + concerned with my darling's anger.. then my ultimate red stop was pressed when a woman answered his mobile! i was totally pissed pissed!! i can understand that office mobile tends to swap between users but it just got me boiling with the fact that i was not informed~!!when i finally managed to log online, we had such a quarrel across distance and timezone!
i know i'm in the wrong for last night and i am really sorry for it.. but he amplified the issue to the assumption that my words cannot be trusted! THAT WAS IT! no matter how much i tried to reason for my failure, how much i tried to excuse him for his fury (he's been working around the clock past days - i know it's very tiring), 'your words cannot be trusted' was really my last straw!! was he reasonable when he decided not to inform of his mobile swap despite his anger (those are 2 different issues!)?! how about my feelings when i was trying so hard to contact him (mobile and room) only to hear a woman answer his mobile?!
talk about bad morning, i really had it all this morning!! i am so in bad mood now!
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