29 May 09 - May the Love i have for You makes all other love insignificant

first of friday bible study.. was rushing mad to finish my work before i leave, and i resolved to leave by 630pm (bro, I DID IT! i shut down my laptop at 629pm) *i really wonder what have i been busy with* rushed down to expo..only to find my friends all caught in the heavy traffic jam, hence i had to wait for them..

song of solomon.. a book that describes the intimate longing in love relationship.. though pst is applying that to God's love relationship with us, but i cant help being envious of the lover of the author King Solomon.. in courtship with someone full of wisdom, and full of love.. as a person who really enjoys language, the conversations in this book are enough to make me green.. so explicit, so expressive, so 'lovey-dovey'.. but wait! the most impactful of the evening was not just that.. when pst kong shared about his love for God, compared to that for his wife (ie sun ho), i was totally in awe! everyone knows how much he loves his sun, i mean he REALLY loves her! .. but to love Jesus in a extent that all else seems insignificant.. wow! that is really LOVING GOD WHOLEHEARTEDLY!

to love God more than i love my parents, more than i love my hugo or even future husband..that is measurable and possibly possible for me. but to love Him to such extend that all other love seems insignicant.. woah, this requires higher level of faith and love in God.. but i pray i'll be able to do that one day. what a great communion it will be - to be in all love with the Greatest and Perfect Lover! *if you are praying for me, please pray this - the love for God makes all other insignificant* ... i really pray i will be in that level one day..

Oh Heavenly Father, forgive me for my selfishness with my own intentions.. rekindle the first love i have for You, to fall in love with You all over again, draw me closer once again.. let the fire of Holy Spirit burns fervently in our hearts, draw us so we can run to You!
Great is God's Agape Love, compared to our Philia Love!

27 May 09 - Boney with EXCELLENT health!

for the sake of my health, i finally made appointment with doctor to review my health.. fyi, i did all the blood and all sorts of tests last mth, but just didnt have the time to meet the doctor for the review.. now that i've experience the 'amber' sign from my body, i think it's high time to pay doctor a visit..

with such heavy heart, i skipped my salsa dance class tonight.. yes, i skipped my class.. that's how disturbed i am though i may not express it.. dont worry, i do take care of myself.. though i tried to engage in online chatting while waiting for my appointed time with doc, my heart was..you know.. not quite settled..

i didn't know i'm so blessed till the doc reviewed and complimented me for such excellent health record! I HAVE A PERFECT HEALTH SCORECARD!! yes, i fainted; yes, i've my special diet; and yes, i've my medical history.. all these i declared to the doctor and the doc still gave me a excellent A! hahaa.. i'm so happy~ who says skinny and boney cant be healthy? check out my medical report - evidence of God's protection and blessings!! in case you are wondering abt my hemogoblin count, it's of normal range!! the only possible reason for my faint experiences is because i'm a born slight-low blood pressure person. in the family of high bp, i'm the only one with low bp~ really thank God for His Protection!

of course, i'm not saying being low is good, but at least the risk of all the related heart diseases is greatly reduced.. i just have to continue to take good care of myself, which the doctor has high praise on. :P a PERFECT HEALTH REPORT! cheers for J! hip hip hooray~!! all praises to God!!!

26 May 09 - Thank you, i love you too~

did i tell you people that you are great?! not kidding, seriously - you people are great!
be it you're reader of my blog or seer of my msn, you never fail to amaze me with your love and concern~

my friend XY dated me out last night.. sounded so urgent, i thought something upset her.. even though i'm rushing work like mad, left office at 7pm, i still dragged my fagged body down to AMK hub for her.. really concerned what happened to her, i was anxious to settle dowm for dinner chat. for her to pour out.. then, my dear 'ms atas' pushed this bottle of GNC Iron supplements to me.. i was like 'huh?'.. her reply came "for you, so you better dont faint again".. ok, i tried to put a strong front, to tease it off but i was really touched inside.. thank you dear.. thank you :)

today.. smses came in.. *words really spread like wild fire* I really thank God for all your 'nagging' and concern.. i'm really ok now.. i even have a packet of sangobion in my wallet as standby, so rest assured ok? (btw can someone tell me why sangobion is makng me so drowsy all day?i tot it's supposed to energise me..) you know how uncomfortable i am when people fuss over me.. but i guess i've to learn to receive your love, right? *i love you too~*

ok, as a token to my health commitment, this june i'll keep extra low profile.. except for Friday Bible Studies, 1 gun shooting, 2 movie sessions, 1 facial and 1 massage.. basically i'll stay at home over weekends, ya? be goody-goody till my hemogoblin count restore..

you know what, since i'm 'sick', i'm really thinking of travel therapy.. trust me, it helps EVERYTIME.. shall i? shall i not? shall i?.. but i'll miss my hugo!!

24 May 09 - Unforgettable beach experience

the moment i get home, i know i have to seize the moment .. to clean out my beach stuff and my son's bag.. while i'm still functionable..

i really had a wonderful experience today at sentosa beach.. under the sun for more than 6hrs, since 1030am, even my son was enjoying so much.. so many people to see, such intense heat and so much noises to hear.. i must say, my son is really very sensitive to environment, yet very attached to me.. despite the hot sun, he never attempted to leave my sun-burning spot for cool shelter.. he stays with me, no matter what happens..i brought him into the waters.. caught everyone's attention cos i'm carrying him like a baby.. and there i was - teaching my son to overcome his fear of waves.. talking to him, giving him assurance and carrying him on his tummy as he tried to swim.. *my hugo is really like a baby to me* i did that for a couple of rounds before i finally released him to swim on his own.. for a moment, he headed for land, but the next moment he realised i'm behind him, he swam around back to me!! for a playdog who's scared of waves, he actually swam back for me!! I'M SO PROUD OF HUGO!! we had so much fun in the waters!

back on land, i was enjoying an 'atas' picnic with my girlfriends... drinking ice-wine with cheese and crackers etc.. a snapshot of 'tai-tai' lifestyle on the hot sand.. through it all, my son really so guai! he walked around unleashed yet never far from me; wanted to eat our food but he waited and listened to my cue.. all in all, i'm so proud of my son. he's totally socialable and well-mannered, despite his over-pampered upbringing! even my friends cant stand the close bond we share - the love between mother and son! I LOVE MY SON HUGO! :)

time to go back..packed up and carried our bags and leftover snacks.. as i walked, i felt something's not right -> saw the bright sparks -> more bright sparks... i tried calling out to my friends who were 5 steps in front of me.. -> all vision blacken.. i asked myself if my eyes were still open, i checked and replied 'yes'.. but i cant see anything! everything happened so fast! ok, J, you've been through this before.. so just stop at where you are, dont move at all.. try to breath through your mouth in this darkness.. (i was totally conscious and aware that i'm still leashing my son, carrying all the bgas etc..) i even rationaled that being still in the middle of road is not wise.. hence i lowered myself gently before collapsed onto the ground..

yes, i fainted again.. this time on the road path of sentosa palawan beach.. i didnt have time to really experience the fainting process previously, but i sure did this time round.. every step in fainting.. i hear, think and know exactly what's happening to me.. as soon as i've collasped, i heard voices trying to help me.. then i smelled the medicated oil, felt the strong massage on my head, my chest and my other nerve points.. then.. light returned to my vision.. *so this is what blind sees when he regains his sight* slowly, the vision became complete.. wow, this is really exciting fun.. as much as i'm embarrassedly thankful to the 3 foreigner aunties who revived me, i'm really enjoy the process of my 2nd fainting! their massage and concern was really so good!! free massage! heehe.. let alone being the centre of attraction for 5 mins! *normally my son is the star when we do our walk, but now i'm star* i know you people will scold me, but i kinda enjoy fainting experience, as long as i'm not in dangerous location.. (fyi, all these while i didn't let go of my precious son, until my friends, who finally realised i'm not behind them, came to my 'rescue' after seeing the crowd around me)

truly, it was fun.. but dont worry, ya? i'll consult the doctor this week on my health condition.. i'll work on my iron intake.. now that i've seized the moment of 'good functionable' health to clean my beach stuff and hugo, took a bath and even this blog, it's time for me to rest.. *see, i know how to take care of myself- rest* ok, people, got to let this red lobster rest so she can continue to be functionable to work tomorrow.. take care and sleep well~

23 May 09 - Singapore Gun Club ~awesome~

gun shooting is really wonderful! and totally addictive~! (pictures uploaded into facebook!)

to be frank, i was quite afraid that i cant carry that 5kg 12 gauge shotgun... and so did my instructor! i mean, he was really kind and sensitive, yet... he was really worried that i cant carry it, let alone aligning my shooting position and get a good shot! *what good faith he has in me?!?* then after realising my group of girlfriends were from NPCC/NCC uniform groups during their schooldays, oh man, that really added pressure to me.. unlike them, i'm totally new to this shooting sport even though i was the organiser for this outing! well, i guess i really cant blame the instructor to 'belittle' me.. it's very obvious that i'm of the 'smallest size', of the 'slimmest frame', and of the 'most demure' look.. *didnt i told you - looks can be deceiving?*

ok, for the first 10 rounds, i really wasted my cartridges while the girls in my group had started to score good hit on the clay targets! as much as i cheered on their hits, i felt the 'stress' amounting.. *gosh, why am i in this group with these 'experts'* .. my instructor was really kind~ he really corrected my aiming, my position and every shot fired. .. yet even with my right alignment, i kept shooting higher than the flying clay.. then i decided to ignore the competitive J in me, and fire by feel.. taking my time to load, align and aim.. *trust me, with that weight of shotgun taking time to aim is really muscle training* .. and it's a HIT!

woah! i actually hit that target!! for the first 2 seconds, i was in doubt.. did it? or was it coincidental? help of the wind, perhaps? i decided on the same method for the next round.. it's a HIT again!! wow!! ok, now i'm convinced i'm shooting and actually hit the flying target!! can you believe it?! ME?? a boney girl actually hit the moving target!! I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF!! haha.. the sense of achievement was really great!

in the end, i managed to score 40% hits, out of my 25 shots. i am so pleased with myself!! even my instructor was surprised and happy for me! i really did him proud~ 40% hits on first try, for my size! awesome! even though my right shoulder is really aching now (cos of the recoil impact) and my arm muscles straining (cos of the weight), it certainly worth every bit of muscle ache and pain! gun shooting is so fun!! and it can be so addictive! i know and i'm sure i'll return again!!

... was talking to my girlfriend.. she likes it too and we are thinking of making it our monthly event!! woah, birds of same feathers really flock together!! great minds really think alike!!! i'm going to look forward for the next shooting round!!!
http://www.singaporegunclub.com/

22 May 09 - One good friday

dear diary,
today, though it's 'dreadful' friday, is one of my best friday ever!
now that i know i've to make a decision, after allowing myself to be stranded with the situation for past mths.. at last at least a decision, and soon it'll be over...

opening my office outlook, a sweet surprise awaited.. email from my dear dear! his subject title is in accordance to my blog request somemore!! he has been reading my blog!!! i tell you, this news is totally surprising and spurring me on in my blogging! i mean, this guy is another workaholic. we always challenged each other to stop enslaving ourselves to work, yet entrapping ourselves within. between him and me, there's an amiable sense of 'OT support' despite our distance (he's in taiwan).. when i'm working late in singapore, i know this crazy guy is also working late or even later than me in taiwan.. very often, our email correspondence is nagging at each other for working late and not taking care of ourselves.. heehee. ya, we care and love each other as dears, very dear dear friends~ and i cant wait to witness his wedding!
*dear, if you are reading this, please work on your wedding plans more than office work!! i need an motivation to return to taiwan, and what's better than to attend your wedding? i'll fly over for 1 month just to help you on your wedding!!*

trust me, this dear is really a sweet guy, totally sensitive and matured young man. if you minus away his workaholism, he'll make a perfect life-partner. it's really quite amazing how our friendship started.. totally amazingly miraculous.. in just 1 short week of orientation camp.. i miss those days.. camping can really brings out the real self of a person..
*it's such an priviledge to know you, dear!*

ok back to my today.. i was invited to my good friend cum colleague's parent's house for lunch! oh i think you'll know her - Gwen. remember i told you abt her daddy in SGH? well, i guess it really shaken her up to treasure more of her parents.. and guess what, i'm entrusted to counsel and encourage her dad to undergo some operations.. a quote from her 'my dad listens to you'. oh man, is that a sign that i really should be a volunteer in hospital!?!? anyway, i really had a good lunch at their house (near my office), i think it cheered the old couple up.. however it's a struggle to keep awake after returning to office, cos the lunch visit was so comfortable and cosy.. making me feel so 'at home' that i'm lazing away...

wait, there's more.. .. i returned to n277 for my second cellgroup meeting this week.. though decision is not made yet, but i'm happy to be in good support again.. cant say i blended right in, but at least it's not a struggle.. had a wonderful meeting with God :)

i'm actually looking forward to next step >
long fun saturday tmr.. gun shooting *awesome new experience!*-> gathering -> Rev Mike Connell's service!! *i cant wait!*
long fun sunday too.. sunbathing in sentosa -> picnic *there'll be WINE this time!* (ya i know - quite atas picnic) -> bonding with my lovely friends and my precious son..
then it's JUNE!!.. june will be an exciting month with every weekends packed with outreach fun activities and CHURCHWIDE BIBLE STUDY!

oh my goodness, it'll really be a busy month for me - in church, work and social! no wonder you people always complain that you need to book my scedule at least 2weeks in advance.. anyway so now you know - if you want to date me, give me details as early as 3weeks in advance??.. aahaa.. i'm super hot date :D

18 May 09 - Believing in Love is like having faith that there is a God

quick~ say "J, you are good!'.. feed my ego.. hhaa.. i finished my 13 countries' SLA report in 4hrs, despite much struggle in concentration due to my medication!.. 4hrs despite sickly condition! i'm so happy! so proud of myself! hahaa.. *mind you, looking at all the small numbers and getting them sorted out is quite an achievement for a drowsy mind*

just as i'm about to log off and rest.. a msn nick caught my attention "Believing in Love is like having faith that there is a God".. wow! that is really relevation for someone who does not believe in love at all.. i've known this friend for years and known him to be a critic in love, esp God.. well, i know u can interpret it as a cynical comment, but i choose to believe the better, ya? to believe is a matter of choice :)

what got me excited over this simple sentence? is it not true of love, esp for the singles (ie me)?
though i cant see it now, it does not mean it's not around for me. just like i cant see God, but He is always around for me.. though it's hard to believe the possibility of finding love, yet all we have to do is believe.. just as it's hard to trust God in dull times, but He will always make it through with us if only we keep believing Him.. faith is a mustard seed, the tiniest seed in the world.. that's all it takes to believe.. in God, in love.. when we think all is tough and not feasible to find, yet all we have to do is to believe the existence of possibility, believe it'll be our blessings soon.. God will make a way when it seems to be no way... BE STILL, J


Matt 17: 20
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Gal 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

18 May 09 - 冒雨求醫

冒雨求醫.. 菁終於親生體驗這句的意識..

因為今天身體不佳, 所以決定在家裡辦公.. 整個早上忙著整理及回覆公司的郵件, 終於在中午吃午飯時間去找醫生.. 從醫症室出來,天氣大大改變 - 開始下起狂風暴雨!! 已經身體虛弱的菁竟然還得冒著大風雨, 手緊握著雨傘地步行回家.. *真的是命苦喔*

好大的一場雨~ 好大的強風~
菁的每一步簡直是冒險嘛! 雨傘都快被大風吹壞了!! ... 不行,這不行.. 菁趕緊到附近的組屋下避風.. 從簡短3分鐘的遼闊大路路程改走組屋與組屋的連長走廊.. 好濕,好冷.. 好久沒淋大雨了, 好久沒體驗這麼冷爽的風了.. 讓菁想起某年在高雄某片遼闊空地上的那場大風 ..當時應該颱風的'前湊', 好一個'微微'的強風.. 那是菁第一次感到'飛騰' (菁自認體積很輕).. 雖然知道風中的危險, 但真的令人享受其中的涼爽.. 面對大自然, 人總就還是微小的砂子..

一邊拿著雨傘躲雨一邊喊著'好冷喔', 其實還真的蠻好玩的..(時時總有新鮮的事物等你去發現 :Ｄ) 雖然已經在組屋樓下穿梭,但不管怎麼躲閃還是被雨淋.. 真的很冷, 牙齒開始颤抖..終於回到自己組屋樓下, 一向不耐冷的菁簡直是快凍死了!! 到了電梯才發現腰部以下的裙子都濕透了!! 以經感冒咳嗽的菁, 難免害怕得H1N1.. 還是趕緊回家洗熱水澡，乖乖吃藥的好..

窗外還在下雨.. 應該會很好睡.. 藥性也開始了, 暈暈沉沉的菁也應該休息了...

17 May 09 - Finally..be planted and rooted!

i'm so happy for my friend XY!! after 4yrs of 'independent', she finally decided to respond to God's calling, retun to His embrace.. really, i cannot fathom on the depth of God's love and wisdom! Despite her strong resistence, logic and challenges, God has been so patient and kept opening doors for her, revealing to her that He is a God of All Possible. I really believe she has a great purpose in God! I'm so happy that she was lost and now found!

you cant imagine the excitement i had when she told me she attended a cellgroup meeting.. CGM!! for somone who 'knows-it-all' and has been giving 'valid reasons' from church commitment, it must be works of Holy Spirit in Divine timing! i readily agreed to her invitation to accompany her on her 2nd cgm last friday.. as much as i'm surprised and excited to see God moving in her life, it turned out i'm in for a great personal surprise too!

the cg she's attending is my long-ago previous cg!! it was really 'WHAT A SMALL WORLD' even though chc is growing in numbers and strength.. though i'm a '1st-time' visitor per se to this cg, i know them! it's so good to see them again, to be in same cgm with them, to praise and worship God and fellowship with them again.. God is really a fun-loving God, is He not? His plan is full of surprises, unexpected twist of goodness and joy.. never fails to bless my heart~ (perhaps that's why chc is and will always be my spiritual home.. full of little reunions now and then)

i know XY will be very well-taken care of for her integration; i'm sure she'll find her purpose, her rooting in Christ, with all the loving support.. i'm so hapy for her. i'm so glad she is back.. i know she'll grow well and strong in time to come. thank You, Jesus! indeed, there is nothing you cannot do! Glory to God in the Highest!

Luke 1:37

For nothing is impossible with God.

**************

if anyone can help me, please help me.. this question has been really bogging my mind these days - 'how do you know he/she is God-fearing'.. how do i know? and who am i to judge his spiritual walk?? even if i do meet someone special, how do i know he is God-fearing??? ...

i guess this is a common question for some of my Christian singles friends as well, esp one of the guys specifically put it as one of his criteria. (yes,dear, i was stunned too when i heard it - what an 'coincident').. anyway, i've always been wanting to know how do guys qualify 'God-fearing'.. but who are we to comment anyway? :P trust me, this question challenges my logic so much for past weeks yet is still a mystery to me..

somehow, sooner or later, i know i'd have accumulated enough skin layers to approach some guys on this question.. by then, i'll be in the state of 'ask-or-die' situation.. curiosity really 'kills' me, and i'm just waiting for me to burst out.. to blog it out is the first sign of bursting, more is to come.. help me..

13 May 09 - OUCH! my ass hurts!

something told me i shld stay in bed today -> was half-way drafting my sms to my boss before i decided 'i can work better in office than at home' .. that's how i ended up in office with agony.. time passed very fast indeed, so much so that if not for suffocating stench from carpet cleaning, i could easily work through lunch..

ok, omen #1 - strong smothering smell which forced everyone to go out for lunch.. even the stench from petrol station smells better.. yes, it was that unbearable..

omen #2 - the moment we (my lunch kakis and me) were downstairs, we had to rush for the shuttle bus.. the mement i stepped foot on the landing slope, everything happened so fast that all i saw next was having my feet under the bus.. yes, UNDER the bus.. normally i couldnt and wouldnt have slipped on the inclined ground, but today i just slipped! trust me, everything happened so fast that all i knew was i stepped onto the slope with intention to board the bus > saw my legs straightened out under the bus with my slippers at slightly further distance > heard my colleague behind me shouted 'J, are you ok' > i stretch a bit to get my slippers before the bus moved > got myself up and onto the bus.. then i realised MY ASS HURTS!! hear me and hear me well, IT'S DAMN HURTING! i felt the knocking pain of my legs which i supposed they hit against the boarding steps of bus before they slipped under the bus.. but my buttocks hurts so much more!! i mean, perhaps if i'm fatter or with a fuller butt as cushion, it wont hurt this much.. but i'm totally skinny boney! to fall directly onto the ground with such impact is really darn painful! bone against the cold hard ground! for 2mins after boarding, i was hoping to get some comfort by rubbing my poor boney buttocks.. when it's not getting me any good, my mind started to wonder if it'll affect my walking or other bone structures.. though the pain was really painful and agonising, my mind was really not helping at all..

omen #3 - managed to walk properly, normally.. but when i started to dance in class (it's my Wed salsa class!), i really cant tell if it's my dance steps or the aching pain of my soring buttocks which caused the twist.. all i know i tried my best to enjoy the dance, the beat of music.. then my shoe heel broke! my custom-made dance shoes!! .. of course, being the gung-ho J, i continued dancing till the end.. trust me, i was and still am really 'heart-ached' to have my dancing shoes in this state.. i had been dancing in it for so long.. i bought it with Bosco when we started our latin dancing.. but what to do, life still goes on.. time to look for a new pair, before the next class..

that's 3 bad affirmations why i should have listened to the tiny voice inside to work from home today.. if only i've obeyed, i wont be in pain now.. ouch, my ass really hurts!

11 May 09 - I'm a man in female's clothing

"i'm a man in female's clothing" this is the 3rd time how i spoke of myself today.. first regarding my gun shooting enthusiasm; second my pride/ego in this game of courtship; third my passion for science friction.. apparently my dear friend didnt know my sci-fi passion till we watched 'Star Trek' just now, hence his surprise that sparkled that sentence and henceforth this blog entry..

ok, i know i'm not quite an normal girl.. perhaps like what my facebook quiz resulted - i'm quite competitive under the masking of friendliness. yes, i like wits, enjoy every combat of wits rather than physical.. and when wits combine with imgaination in sci-fi, it just thrills me so so much~ since young, while my friends are reading romance, I was intrigued by Star Wars and Frank Harbert's Dune Messiah series, i even collected universe planet charts.. you know those little fact sheets of each planets.. heehee, i used to be able to tell you about each planet orbit details etc.. but now, it's a challenge to store my Bible verses into this brain of mine.. ya, i'm weirdo kid.. but, i really enjoy all those sci-fi books - you never know how great a possiblity they are in the future, our near future or even somewhere out there now.. but then again, i'm not a enthusiast for space travel.. though the trip is worth a lifetime, so is the deadly reality of the tinest dust in space.. i guess i belong to those who are contented to be grounded to receive footage from the vast universe up there..

watching StarTrek reminds me of my young days when i'll be glued to TV after school, forsaking my bath-time and ended up getting some spanking for not being hygienic esp as a girl.. (perhaps that's why i'm quite a mysophobia now?).. but all in all, i had a happy childhood, with all my sci-fi books and charts..

sometimes, i do wonder.. what if i'm not born in Asia.. how about US or UK? what will i be major in? what career path will i take.. obviously their fields of studies are very diverse, i can pursue what i like.. but.. will i? could i?? well, that's another question for God to answer.. for now, i'm here for a purpose in His plan :) He created me with some 'un-lady' interest and character, and i'm very sure He has His reasons. :)

9 May 09 - "Much Ado About Nothing"!

what a great show - "Much Ado About Nothing"! indeed, it's a great story of how man can easily mistrust his own wife, making a big fuss about nothing! what a great writer William Shakespeare was! a man of wits and humour, meticulous and sensitive! i've always love the old English language.. such poetry and passion in every sentence, even mockery is an illustration of tact and wits~. though today's performance has been localised to asian culture, but the language is just as beautiful as it was.. awesome! i almost wanted to get another ticket to watch it again!

oh, for those of you who dont know, i just attended a outdoor drama performance in fort canning.. totally outdoor, totally casual and we prepared a feast of picnic food (we = XY,my 2 dear godbros n his gf, my godsis and me) .. a typical 'philippino picnic' if you know what i mean :P .. i prepared the sandwiches and the cheese platter (yes, my picnic can be quite 'atas' if i want it) while the gers brought puffs and salads.. of course, i trust the guys to help to carry the heavy drinks (which i thought florence will bring her wine).. haha.. but all in all, it's a simple picnic.. this time, i didnt plan much on the menu, just grab what i can whip up and go..

it's more than food, it's the company that matters.. being with them again, it's like a small family reunion.. we are same 'god-family', remember? i'm glad XY enjoyed our little 'family' though it's her first time with us. she even commented she enjoys the company *gd job, bros* i know it's the first time for all of them to attend such outdoor performance, they are enjoying it so well.. (now i know who to invite next yr~, i attend it every yr)

ok, a little reflection on the performance.. it's awesome! the cast, though local as they are, spoke with such fluency and elegant accent... and they are so professional!! even to the extend of being totally 'naked' and wet! i love the merry war between Benedick and Beatrice! i could feel so much for Beatrice cos she is so much like me - 'high expectations' woman seeing no hope in the male human gender yet there's something in our hearts that tickles the marriage thought.. i like that way Benedick upholds his ego, yet humbles himself to love Beatrice and requested to be 'binded' in the end... such is the valour of a gentleman in love~ *i wonders does it still exist in the human male species now* this is the character i know my man must possess, esp i'm the 'modern' Beatrice? :)

My favourite quote from Beatrice:

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man: and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him: therefore, I will even take six pence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his apes into hell. .... but to the gate; and there will the devil meet me, like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here's no place for you maids:' so deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the heavens; he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry as the day is long."

9 May 09 - Thank You, Jesus, for Vesak Day!

it's vesak day again.. i dont remember if i've shared last yr, but every year my vesak celebration is the same..
since 1995, when my whole family are busy helping as facilitators in temples, involving in various birthday celebrations of Prince Siddhārtha Gautama (Sammāsambuddha), i stay out of their way.. even when they blast the house with loud Buddhist chants and burning incense (i really dont like it cos of my sensitive nose), i've learnt better to hold my peace n let them enjoy such joyous religious occasion *am i not religious harmonious or what?*

though i'm a born-again Christian, i remember the times when i was once as active as them.. at very young age, i actively participated in evening chants at the infamous Kong Meng San temple; every sunday i attended buddhist classes, even involving in various skits and drama to help people understand Buddhism teachings. every May i would be very busy and excited as a young facilitor and youth committee of the temple. i still remember the long tedious '3steps-1bow' where my knees could be really sore as participant; and where i had so much fun as traffic usher.. not to forget the lighting of lotus candles - it's like passing of light during Christmas candlelight service.. full of warmth and peace.. to be honest, i really had such great religious fun in my childhood, it's really a whole family event..

then.. in the midst of every happening, the more i know about Buddhism studies, the more i harbour abt life's questions... in a way, i thank God for giving me such strong foundation in Buddhism. really, i do mean it. i dont know abt other Buddhists, but the more i learn in Buddhism- why we do the things we do, chant the prayers we chant and the merits of life itself, the more it directs me to the Maker of All - GOD. yes, buddha is the supreme teacher who attained Nirvana, the reason why he was able to forsake his kingdom and royalhood, is because he saw the misery of his people and had this strong desire to seek the Truth, in hope to help his people. personally, i think Prince Siddhārtha is like a prophet, seeking the Truth and crying out to his followers to seek the Truth. but then again.. what is the Truth? with this big question in my adolescence, i started asking around my mentors, my spiritual monks directors, friends, relatives etc... then i finally found my answer, the Truth - Jesus Christ! Praise the LORD!!

of course the process of conversion was not easy and pretty tough for me.. i practically 'lost' all my good friends and my family were really prosecuting me, i even had to go through 'exit interviews' with the monks.. but i thank God for He has never leave me alone! when all seemed impossible, He made everything possible for me to attend church, start owning my first Bible.. step by step, He really opens doors for me and guides me through it all! I LOVE YOU JESUS~! my life has never been the same since then. when i thought all was lost, Jesus restored to me even more! my relationships with family, friendship with Godly friends and my works have always been so blessed, He always watches over me!
I thank You, my Greatest Lover - JESUS CHRIST!!

8 May 09 - by FAITH, i will recover!

wanted to blog this morning in office but was overwhelmed by morning discussion and some report deadlines.. was half-dead when i finally reach home at 9pm.. lazed till now..

anyway, here's it -
just as i know something is not right, God is always ready to reveal to me. He is never early, never late, totally JOT. jimmy was sharing about Faith in cgm last night. "Faith" - the extend of how much you know about God is the extend of your faith. that was like a finger pointing at me, questioning "how many tuesdays i've missed my AR" then.. he also shared that there are times when we are totally sick, cant feed ourselves at all, require the help of others to feed us. in spiritual feeding, the way to be fed is staying rooted in church - attending service, cellgroups, Bible studies (hey that's me!! *this must be a serious virus in me - i've been so sick for past weeks~!*) ... cant tell you how happy i am to be fed by each cellgroup meeting, each service.. i look forward to be fed again and again, i know one day i will be well and strong again to feed others. Amen? :)

just before i doze off last night, my old friend called from taiwan.. fyi, though we are good old friends, but it's on 'special occasions' that we spend on overseas calls.. it's so nice to chat with old friends again.. he never gives up trying to allure me to taiwan, and always gotten a 'scolding' from me for doing so.. what a good way to end the day with such nice catching-up..

i really thank God for His timely 'rescue'. i'm on my way to recovery, to restoration! fyi, God does not practice favouritism - He has done for others, He will do it for you and me! Praise the LORD!!

7 May 09 - Cant pinpoint what's wrong, yet it's wrong..

My dear bro asked me ytd ‘how r u? Vincent n Phyllis asked abt u just now.’ .. if this is not creepy, nothing is.. what a gd question for a time like this.. and when my god-parents are getting concerned (though it’s been months since our contact), it’s almost a certain sign that ‘hey, J, something is really wrong’.. *something abt my god-parents n me – we always receive vibes about each other though we don't interact. Move of the spirit?*

I know.. I know something is wrong with me these days, but I just cant pin-point it, hence I contributed it under ‘female thingy’.. but what is it, exactly?
Work stress?
It’s a fact – the moment I sit at my desk, the 8 or even 10hrs passes too fast.. too many things to do; too little time. But it’s also a fact that I’m workaholic, this load is nothing compared to my previous employment.
Social stress?
I’m still connected to my friends in church.. serving happily in ministry.. still connected to my non-church friends, meeting the girls for dinner after work (check out my facebook).. so what’s wrong with me?
Family stress?
Definite no! I love my parents and they love me! We can chat, laugh and even tease one another, than before. Even relationship with my dad has never been better.. anyway, my son has stopped going to his day-care, so it’s always a joy to see him wagging his little tail when I return home..

Wat else? The only difference I find is perhaps.. my shopping habit, my ‘going-out’..
I don't know why but I really dread the idea of shopping now, even for my beloved shoes and bags. Everyone knows my favorite place is supermarkets (yes – it’s true, I can stay hours in supermarkets, enjoying the vast amount of information I can find there!), but now.. I’m so spiritless..

Someone just told me it could be menopause! Me!?!? Menopause?~?~ NOW!??!?
http://www.34-menopause-symptoms.com/

4 May 09 - Dr Edwin Louis Cole

my dearest J,
can you please take care of yourself - your body is the temple of God! you never fail to surprise me how fast your blood glucose level can fall.. it's by God's grace that you made it back home, step by step, a tiny step at at time! by now you shld ve known your body signals, instead of pushing yourself! knowing you immune system is weaker during this period, cant you jolly well be more sensitive and caring to yourself? let alone, we are now on 'yellow alert' for H1N1 flu virus.. for goodness' sake, J~

ok, i've scolded myself on behalf of all of you who will be nagging at me later.. i've done u this favour, so save it. it's only a monthly affair of mood swing and fluctuating glucose level, be cool ya? i really can take care of myself, seriously. but i admit this time is kinda harder to manage, but trust me i can do it~ i'm a overcomer! what has to be done has to be done :)

cant help thinking (missing) the late Dr Ed Cole - inspiration of Men's Ministry. if any male human on this earth needs a earthy role model, he will be it! i remember how his passion and guidance raised the standard of men in chc years ago. even at the wedding last night, a brother was sharing my sentiment that the standard of men these days, not just in church, has dropped alot.. *what happened to you, guys? throwing in the towel to the gals? where's ur ego which supposedly is to spur you on in this 'competition' with females?*

i still remember how sad Pst Kong was at the demise of Dr Ed Cole.. he's like a father to him, to our church.. that was the first time i felt such 'unity' of grief in church. come to think of it, i really miss him now.. his fatherly love, manly composure, hearty laughter and the God-given charisma.. the guys in chc love his preaching, so do we ladies cos he really made a great difference in turning our guys into men! "MALE BY BIRTH BUT MAN BY CHOICE!" trust me, i really envied Sister Nancy.. what a blessing to be married to such God-fearing man! ... a Godly man for God, living out his Calling, leaving a legacy for generations to come..


for you guys who do not know late Dr Edwin Louis Cole, please! get hold of his Christian Men's Network's materials~ i guarantee it will change your life! Rise up, you, soldier for God!
http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Edwin+Louis+Cole
http://www.edcole.org/edcole

3 May 09 - Welcome to J&J Wedding

ok, i'm jealous.. the holy matrimony is very nicely done and for once, the fullerton banquet is good.. but best of all, i get to see my my ex-cg members, known 10yrs back, all gathered in one place. though i dun really know them well (kinda feel stranger in the midst), but it's always good to see them all still under the same cg zone, under Pst Derek. and.. almost 80% of guests today are 'high management' church workers, active in church ministry and doing well and great in career.. if only i didnt back-slid then, i'd be married to one of these leaders by now (just as most of them are)..

ops, sorry, i forgot to fill you in.. Mr and Mrs Alec Ngo - two have become one today in Fullerton hotel. yes, even my 'last' bachelor buddy is now married. they finally ended their 6yrs courtship.. 6yrs.. wonder how 'stressed' bosco would be(we were only 4yrs!), but then again, i'd glad it's only 4yrs - it's already bad enough. holy matrimony was good cos majority of chc music ministry was involved and our infamous chinese translator - Ms Lulu was invited.. the wedding banquet is expectedly grand cos alec is navy officer, hence the sword-bearers were there.. when i was young, i used to dream of having such an wedding entrance *i'm men-in-uniform fetish*.. but now, looking at my 'dream entrance', the feeling is neutral..

honestly, everytime i attend weddings, esp Holy Matrimony, i will build my dream wedding in the air.. the praise n worship songs, location, solemnizer, who to invite, number of guests, timing and even what topic of sermon to preach.. will my bridegroom give me a lovely surprise by singing/dancing/poem? (it's almost a norm for CHC bridegroom to dedicate such sweet surprises to the bride n the 'standard' keeps getting higher).. then i'll go on to visualise how the morning tea ceremony will be.. how many entourage, the sequence of ritual *i'm quite familiar by now* (he must be a really fun-loving bridegroom who is willing to endure the trials from my entourage).. and how determined i am to add my 'personal touch' to honour our (mine + his) parents.. as for the dinner, i have this preference to have it as casual as possible, if possible a theme party.. but i know being the eldest of the family, it wont be easy to obtain approval for 'casual dining'.. and how about the montage? i certainly against the conventional animations, photo clips, life/love story plot.. got to think of something more innovative.. how about the speech and thanksgiving gifts? the march-in song? the wedding souvenirs? as a ex-hotelier, i'm also concerned abt the service and even the 1st-dish presentation.. all the details for the one big day..

yes, i know i'm building castle in the air, but which girl wont? it's a once in a lifetime dream..i know i'm dreaming as if i'm wedding to myself, without considering his dream wedding and his preference.. well, since he's not shown himself, allow me to carry on with my 'J&J wedding'. i often wonder.. how much time do i have to plan all these? 1yr? 6mth?? if it's gonna be another 4yrs rship, gosh.. i might have a lot of kids in my wedding dinner.. that'll be another consideration..


lisa commented on their rship: "i told him straight in the face - he's not the guy for me. but when i prayed about it, i was reminded i cannot judge a person by his looks, but his heart'..
frankly, i'm not looking for looks, but guys i know these days have a lazy heart.. :(

1 May 09 - Patience training (Pt2)

i really believe my mother ate quite a lot of ginko nuts during her pregnancy.. which in turn made me - a lover of ginko nuts since young. end-result = a good memory. i really think i've quite a good memory.. things i've heard, watched or even read, i hardly forget.. it's true! what good it is to boast anyway? this is one of the reasons why i seldom watch the same movie or read the same book twice, unlike my sister who can watch LOTR for zillion times and find it fascinating as ever. *that includes you, bro* :P (sad to say, this gift of mine doesn not apply in academics.. i still slogged hard under lotsa readings, research and mindmaps for exams. )

nevertheless, i have to admit my memory has deteriorated after my great Depression. yes, it's human's instinct to block out memory in self-protection..but i'm still able to recall things, if i want to. visualise this - for now, my mind is like a huge messy vault. yes, it will take me some time to process information from this mess, but my processor is still good, ok? i just have to spend a bit more time to sort all the information into their respective drawers, before the vault is neat and efficient again..

maybe that is why i had not had the patience for things i've known.. one of the things i dislike is to have someone telling me the same story again, it's a high potential RED button. my mind will auto-switch off and wander into my neverland again.. eventually i've become into an impatient person.. but hey hey hey! now you are looking at the new J! thanks to my depression (again), i think my level of patience are improving. though i still dont understand why people cant remember what they said to me/ why they like to repeat themselves, but at least i'm not planning my escape route mentally.. yes, it's boring, but oh well, people are different..
i'm just of a 'HIGHER' intelligence! hahaha.