17 Aug 09 - Dont ask me abt my first day

i didn't attend Bible class tonight.. feeling so down that i just came back home..

why down? i cant explain but i know the contributing factors -
1) my first day at new work place, new responsibility.. as much as i'd like to learn more new things, enhance my work experience but.. somehow.. i'm just not sure if i can handle the change.. after being in SAP for past yrs, i kinda miss the team today.. miss the joy and jokes we cracked in midst of stress.. i wonder if i'd ever find a team like them again.. back in my new environment, it's a small team and i'm still trying to adapt to their 'style'..

i know many of you have told me i'll make it, not to worry.. but i really feel the great wall of J in my heart.. a hurdle which i know i've to overcome the sooner the better..

2) emotionally, i escaped into my dream of rest.. a place where i can drop all i am and rest.. after my hello kitty room's pics being posted, my group of girlfriends keep bugging me to organise a trip to taiwan.. to be honest, i really dont want to bring people to taiwan.. not unless he/she can take care of his/her own travel plan.. all i want to do in taiwan is to rest, really rest, and live day-to-day normally like taiwanese, not as tourist (i wonder how am i going to tell them, but that's for the future to worry).. i'm already missing taiwan on my first day of work, not to mention i just came back~*what a 'good' job,J :(*

3) few days ago i heard a true account of a broken-heart.. i'm really surpised yet honoured to share her tears and pain of fallen down from high hope of marriage.. that pain.. dont i just KNOW THAT PAIN! it just hurts so much for no reason given.. a stab so deep into the heart from someone who once promised to bring happiness and loved to make us laugh, yet now bringing us tears and hurt of enormous excruciation.. for 2hrs i tried to cheer up her by sharing my depression story (thank God, He never wastes my life experience)..i know the recovery journey has just started for her, it's really painful to see your friend being casted down like this, after a great joyful hope of marriage.. i pray she'll be strong and cheerful again.. the cheerful lady i have known..

guys, why do you like to commit without responsibility? don't your words mean anything to you? you're supposed to be man of word, yet your words are empty without weight.. do you not know the heart who agreed to your proposal has commited her life in your hands, by your words? in case you do not know - despite our tears in our eyes and blood in our hearts, we still worry for you, asking friends to take care of you when we couldn't? how do you bear to hurt a heart who love you so much??