2 Sep 09 - Work+The Proposal = possible relapse

i know u guys dont want to hear sad updates from me.. but hey, i just have to vent it out ok~

last night i was 101% depressed and lost.. kinda 'lost meaning in life'.. the work is overwhelming yet i have to keep afloat of all the messy projects deadlines and updates, and to make it worse, it's only my 3rd week this week! besides the linguistic pressure (in written n spoken) and complicated red tape of such 'small' regional office, i am somehow 'expected' to know the current procedures of every policy so i can implement them online!! trust me, i'm freaking freaky stress! ON THE VERGE OF DEPRESSION RELAPSE!

before i went nuts, i just had to talk to someone.. someone i'm very comfortable talking to, and someone who can cheer me up.. i called GQ.. frankly, i dont remember the contents of our conversation.. 80% crap mostly.. but after chatting with him, i'm able to rest.. somehow there's light at the end of tunnel.. well, perhaps things aren't that bad (wait till my phone bill come for the overseas calls!) that's what friends are for.. in times like these, i know i can rely on him to 'lift' me out from signs of depression..

yet.. i can tell you, depression is really persistent.. it crept into me again tonight.. though i didn't work late tonight (i visited my friend in hospital instead), the feeling of loneliness is really dragging me down.. perhaps it's my work today ( my colleague told me not to put too much expectations on myself), perhaps it's the stupid good "The Proposal" movie.. it's really so hurtful when Andrew (Ryan Reynolds) agreed with Margaret (Sandra Bullock) to their fear of love at the last scene.. ok i can disregard the too-good-to-be-true scene n plot (ie cute, sensitive, caring, smart and great-looking guy who happened to be damn rich!), but the fact of the matter is I'M ALSO SCARED! i mean, who isn't? but.. well, i reckon the more feministic one is, the possibility of fear is higher?? anyway, it's just a not-so-good movie for me.. it'll be great if it's not so 'factual' into the love thingy..

someone asked me why GQ.. wel, cos i know my friendship with him is and has withstand all ups and downs.. i can always turn to him, and count on him to be there for me.. this is how strong my friendship with GQ is.. despite the physical distance. thank you, GQ! i really treasure our friendship so much! (but i cant call you every night, it's gonna cost both of us a bomb on overseas calls!)