16 May 10 - how long...

my dear friends, u might think i've stopped blogging cos i ve my bf now.. by right, i should; however something in me i just dont feel settled.. the reason i've not been blogging cos i kinda get tired so easily these days. just pure accumulated exhaustion perhaps - coping with all the changes..

relationship
1mth into this rship, i find myself caring, thinking and missing my bf more and more each day.. even though i dread the weekend flights, but i know that is the only way i get to spend time with him.. cant wait for next meeting. yet.. i cant help cautioning myself... yes, i still have that skeptical perception despite the fact i'm falling deeper in love. i even begin to have nightmares of losing him, or dont know where he is.. ok, i admit it's a freak dream *dont ask me why i'd dream that* but i really woke up in shock and another step deeper into missing him..

seriously, i really dont know how long we will survive in this LDR.. somehow, the hard reality qn of physical presence has been knocking at my door.. i really have faith in him, in his love for me, and if you know me, i wont betray the code of trust in rship. it is just too important to me.. however i really dont have faith in LDR even though i know i wont let him down and he wont let me down. the harsh reality is finding its way into this romance~ how long can the romance keeps its defense in reality?

work
what can i say? it's been one of the longggest week ever~ i was so overwhelmed on my first day that i was so closed to another relapse (my dear bf had it from me - i was too depressed to be positive).. my direct manager did the 1st-week review and encouraged me to press on. his kind understanding on the complexity of systems were really comforting, even though i felt really bad about myself.. things kinda get better for me in the end. by thurs, i was already working past 8pm. i dont know why but staying late was kinda comforting and assuring. i really hope it helps to combat my pandora box of depression..

tmr will be start of another week. i hope it'll not be another long week but i m beginning to lose some faith in myself.. wonder how long i can survive...