13 Apr 10 - breaking the news

today is the day i've to do something 'bad'.. any misregard in my tone or manner, i will lose a good friend..

i can understand why darling is so worked up, anxious and even apprehensive about it, but i really hope he could trust me just a little bit more to do my part.. i know i mean the world to him, i can understand his fretful concern.. in fact, i know he has given in so much for me, i really hope i could use this opportunity to dote on him.. i just need his complete trust n support to fuel my courage..

saying such stuff is never easy *i never understand how rejection comes so easy for some*, at least NOT for me.. i really treasure the friendship we had.. even though we broke up after his silly mistake, i still value the friendship and even wonder how had he been.. now he's kinda 'back', yet i have to say 'no' to him.. can someone teach me how and what to say, without hurting the friendship bond we had? *come'on, i can forgive B for what happened, why cant i continue the gd rapport i have w mr I?*

in spite we talked abt it before - he will continue to be my gd friend in spite of whatever decision i make, but i still have to respect his interest and concern over past mths.. like what darling said, we hope to have his blessings on our rship; i just dont want to lose a friend... a good friend..

**************
reached home by 11pm.. i cant say i'm feeling good now, neither can i say he's feeling good after the news.. he kinda guessed it but to face it, i guess he was not prepared yet.. if u ask me, i'm feeling damn bad now.. my ex-bf who hurt me and now i'm kinda 'revenging'? trust me, there's no such thing as sweet revenge.. whatever i had to do, i've done and i'm really not feeling good for doing it..i know he spent quite a deal of efforts to plan this night out, his efforts to make this night enjoyable for me even though i was really late *it was truly enjoyable*..it was really hard to break the news to him..

hurt n surprised as he was, he understood and even gave his blessings.. but everything happens for a reason, there's a time for everything.. this was the first time i see mr I that sad..he tried to conceal, tried to joke over it, but i know .. he's not feeling good, not good at all.. no, i'm not regretting but it just hurts me to see someone i care in that hurt, let alone i was the culprit..

if there's consolation, i know and he knows we'll always be ard for each other as good friends.. *gosh, i really dont like this feeling!*