20 Apr 10 - quick sand

i dont know how many of you are following my blog now, since mw seems to be the 'active' reader now... where are you, my ardent readers? hehee.. anyway, i sure hope u are not turned off by the 'lovey dovey' comments and expressions in my blog. please do remember, IT IS MY BLOG! dont deprive me of expressing, lest u want to pave a way for my depression.. *that is a threat*

i just finished edit my previous entry and i had a bad shock! my command of english is comparatively worse! all my grammar is in a mess!! how can you people read such 'profane language'?! please shoot me down, if i ever lose my command in proper english, ok? this is really atrocious revelation~~

ok, back to blog proper..
do you remember i had a job offer 2wks ago? well, i'm still pending for the US headoffice to approve on headcount budget.. but i didn't tell u i had a bad dream on this (not a nightmare, just bad dream).. i'm sure i do not have to exemplify what the bad dream was about.. i tried to put it away but it's been creeping at the back of my head. it kinda affecting my mood these days.. as the month end draws near, i wonder what my future beholds.. i cant even see beyond this week, yet i do not have the courage to resign prior securing a job *remember how anxious/near-depression i was when i was unemployed?* 

i really dont know what to think or plan.. sigh.. words fr my bro has been ringing in my ears 'i will pray for u but u also must pray'.. my dear bro, i know i should be praying, but with such doubt and possible disappointment(again), i cant seem to bring myself to God.. u know how human nature is - we tend to strive n do things with our own limited strength instead of going to God for His boundless Grace.. and this is where i am now, allowing myself to sink deeper and deeper into this pit of quick sand. pretty pessimistic, huh? to the extend i'm not even in mood to plan/look forward to the travel plan of meeting my darling in either HK/TPE.. everything is at such standstill and i m just so afraid to do anything...sigh sigh sigh..

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again, something prompt me to read Father Yim's blog.. *yes i know Holy Spirit is leading me but i do not dare to think too much into it..*
http://frstephenyim.blogspot.com/2010/04/2nd-sunday-of-easter-divine-mercy.html
.. joke of filling headache with something; story of hachiko..prayer for God’s mercy on the Church and that Jesus will come into our hearts to strengthen us with His love. let our wait will not be in vain. like Hachiko, we will be loyal and we will wait in faith. blessed are we who do not lose faith, in God, and in the Church.

God, my dearest Father in Heaven, please help me to keep the faith in You. when darkness falls, Your light continues to shine from above and sends starry lights to guide us through. just like king david who cried out to You in his darkness, i pray for that faith to arise in me to receive Your Guidance and Plan for me.. You Alone rules Heaven and Earth at Your Word. You will never give anything but the Best for us. so, Lord, i pray for faith to arise in my inner man, to look for the stars in the dark and trust in Your Rod to lead me through. all glory and praise to You, my Heavenly King, Creator of Heaven and Earth who deserves all honour! Glory to God in the Highest!