woke up in a daze this morning even though it took mere seconds to remind me of what i had done last night.. honestly, i can still see mr I's hurt face in front of me *not a good morning greeting*.. i really feel damn bad about it..
some of u may join the speculation, together with mw, that i still feel for mr I and might even be 'regretting' on my current rship.. PLS! can u people give me some credits for the painful act i've done?
1) mr I was my ex-bf.. the one whom i spent happy (sad) memories with.. fyi, he happens to be my best ex-bf despite his silly mistake.. the one who fits my 5Cs though they seem impossible to fulfil.. even though we were together for a short period (compared to the other bfs), those times were really sweet and memorable, ok?
2) it's NOT easy to hurt someone i care.. i dont know abt you people, but making such decision has NEVER been my forte. i tried to plan out my speech, tried to anticipate his reaction but nothing could prepare me for the hurt n shock on his face.. he's always been a strong caring sensitive guy, it really hurts me to see him in that state, esp after all his efforts on me last night... *hey, ex-bf as he is but i can still feels for him, ya?*
3) NOT any guy can be my bf.. u people know how demanding i have been with my bf criteria.. when i have decided to be w mw, you should know i wont stray or sway from such impt decision! have you not know what rship meant to me? have u not read my blog entries?! am i that flickle-minded in such affair? seriously! how well have you people known me even though i've put all my thoughts and life into my blog?!!!
*j, u got to cool down..*
anyway.. even though it's not a gd time to discuss abt this issue (i'm still feeling bad, remember?), my dear darling was daring enough to bring it up.. that really topped me up.. i'm totally overwhelmed and even lost for expression.. I HAVE MY CONCERNS!
- is it an impulse decision to satisfy man's ego or ownership/ possession, esp when it's 'threatened' by perceived someone?
- even with the yrs we have known each other by name, i have not known his family and friends yet! will there be enough chemistry and understanding to manage their expectations?
- it's only mere DAYS into official rship, i'm still trying to adapt to the bonding, esp being-looked-after by an older guy..
- i know i have my shadows casting over this rship.. that is precisely i want it slow now! enjoy dating, enjoy knowing each other before allowing another big wave to crash onto shore~ aren't things going a bit TOO SMOOTH to be true? *what comes fast goes fast*
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