03 Oct 10 - dave = minwei?

i know it's kinda weird.. really weird. but there's this guy who happens to be on my msn list. you see, i was cleaning up my msn that day and i thought he's my friend so i allowed him to add me. (that's how minwei and i re-established connection after 5yrs.)

we started chatting - his msn is ALWAYS online and he is really very curious about me, my present life and even my depression battle. i cant and i wont deny that i once wished him to be minwei using another msn, however, logically i know it's not possible. my darling is still avoiding me just as i'm 'leaving him alone'. but this dave guy surprised me with the 'familiarity' i feel when we chat. he really reminds me of my darling.. and he's even so bold to wish that i'm his gf, just after our few chats. yes, being the open-minded j, i practically questioned, asked and answered him about my life now, as if i'm chatting with my darling on another msn identity. i know it's not fair to dave. he also knows i'm treating him as 'replacement' yet he's totally ok with it! that is weird, right?! i really wish he is my darling minwei.. i even told him to tell minwei i still love him, if he's minwei.. seriously, the familiarity is so familiar. *does it mean i'm heading for another depression deep shit again?!* i also asked him to pray for minwei and his family, for minwei and me.. our topic is mostly abt me and my darling..

i know this is out-of-the-world strange. but it's true. remember i used to have a reader - doraemon, who was really concerned for me on my blog? well, dave is someone like him but more than that. he really made me feel as if he's minwei and he knows i have been disregarding him as dave, yet he is willing to be online all the time just to be ard for me. what the hell, you people have been praying for me?

i really miss my darling.. perhaps of dave, i've been dreaming of minwei past nights.. the surge of missing is rising and it manifests itself into such tangible reality in my dreams. darling, i really miss you. i asked everyone, including ur 'replacement' dave to pray for you - in work, in family and in direction. i really miss your hug.. please take time to think about us, in spite of your hectic work schedule of flying across china-taiwan-san jose. i really miss you so much darling..