i finally get to rot at home today.. initially i was planning to go back to work after my psych appt, but as the time ticked past, the lethargic spell got me so i called in for a whole day off. *i bet my boss will be jumping mad today cos it's really a sudden rest decision. but hey, i kinda deserve it, right?*
anyway, my psych was kinda happy that i had bad dreams past nights. to him, they are signs of 'coming out' to face my subconscious after months of burying myself in work. again, his advice is to 'walk it out', 'just do it'.. ya, my rationality also tells me so, and i've been trying to control my emo.. yet when the dreams hit me so vividly, all my defence just immobilised. how can anyone be sensibly sound when you wake up in cold sweat several times a night, or wake up in shivers? doc said dreams are my brain-at-work and it's obviously thinking of minwei all these time.. now it's its time to surface.
doc asked me if i ever want to contact him again, 'of course' is my answer. but i know i dont have the courage - the courage to face any direction than it is now. doc supports me on my wait for him but he also advises marriage is not about loving that person. *not loving the person yet living the rest of my life with him?! how can anyone do so?!* giving his 'ten-pence advice' (i paid alot for it!), he concluded i'm living by my own standards of certainty where reality is about living in faith. whatever his advice, i'm just glad that he prescribed a stronger sleep pill for my rest. *seriously, i really thank whoever invented the miracle pill~ it's a saviour to active wild brain* ok, i know i'm kinda addicted to the sleep pills which i cant sleep without. trust me, i tried... life without my pills are horribly scary.
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