11 Mar 09 - Do I still dare to dream?

i just attended one of my Uni friend's wedding.. feel so old in their midst.. i'm older than them, yet every one of them are married, or getting married.. this is one of those 'quick-get-me-a-guy-to marry' kind of moment.. though i'm happy for them (they knew each other during our Uni days), it's kinda rubbing salt to my wound.. though the wound is healing, i cant help thinking abt him, abt our 'marriage plan'.. how we discussed, how we compromised and how i've visualised my wedding ceremony was going to be like.. and my holy matrimony.. yes - my holy matrimony is THE thing i'm most concerned about.. it's a covenant celebration of me and my partner in union with the Lover of my soul, the One who make all my wedding possible..

watching the dedicated photo montage of their parents, i was so on the verge of tears... though tonight's wedding is abit rush, but i really see the hearts of the couple to honour their parents- the love they have for their parents.. in fact, some of the girls at my table cried too...i think no matter how lovey-dovey a wedding is, it's very important to give thanks to our Heavenly Father and honour our earthly parents.. of course, relatives and friends make a difference with all the bubbles/party guns and cheers but wedding celebration is not an event about the newly-wed but because of God, because of our parents.. i've been so several holy matrimonies, i still love the one of Mr & Mrs Derek You.. their holy matrimony is filled with the Presence of God, the Joy within worship and praise. i believe the whole union affair is not about the wedding couple, but of God.. that is what I want.. i have even thought of giving my holy matrimony a evangelistic twist if i can (you cant deny it is a good time to share the Word during such big family event) :)

.. i really wonder how would mine going to be like? do i have a year to plan and prepare all the things i've wanted? or will it be a small affair (i seriously doubt so).. who will be there to praise God and share my joy?? who will be my pastor to solemnise my marriage, to share the Word and bless this union? ... all these i had considered, thought, budgetted and even visualised in the bubble which burst.. now.. do i dare to dream again?? ... who will be him? will he return??... i kinda miss...