cheryl's bday celebration tonight.. as usual - dinner, and then chillout.. DblO.. the very same place i met Bosco..watching her getting drunk.. i wish i can be drunk too.. somehow being the 'oldest', and being the 'proudest' in the group, i tend to be the one 'taking care' of them.. in any way, i seldom get drunk.. never gotten drunk on clubbing nights.. i know my limit.. but i really wish i can be drunk tonight.. or at least dance till my highest..
nothing much changes there.. still full of younger (army?) guys who cant really dance and drinks are still as cheap.. but there's a live band there now.. who plays 'my type of music'.. i wan to dance, be it at the live band area or on the totally crowded dance floor.. just dance the night away.. dance away those thoughts of when we first met.. in this very same pub.. he approached me as a dare from his friend.. as a very young yet very confident younger guy.. how i sneered when i told him i'm older than him, hoping to divert his attention to other girls.. how i had fallen so much in love with him.. and how things turned out in the end.. and now i'm back to this same club.. missing him.. thinking of him.. at least i'm sure he dances better than any guy there tonight.. i just cant be bothered with any of these younger guys who tried to dance with me.. (thank God that i only dance with myself on the dance floor) .. not sure if he's in the crowd tonight.. wondering yet hoping..
after cheryl's safely sent back on don's car, i was alone in the cab back.. listening to this evergreen chinese song..
~最愛你的人是我, 你怎麼捨得我難過, 在我最需要你的時候,你沒說一句話就走,
最愛你的人是我, 你怎麼捨得我難過, 為你付出這麼多,你卻沒有感動過...
cant tell you how his name kept flooding into my intoxicated head.. it just kept coming.. bosco bosco bosco.. i'm not hurting, not regretting.. just missing.. missing a shoulder i know he'll always be there.. missing a support - be it spiritual, emotional and even similiar interests.. missing someone who shares my life.. i did do my part of loving him, even more than i should.. no regret, just thinking of him..
i once asked myself.. if he ever wants to return, will you accept him again? for obvious reason - no.
not that i dun love him anymore, i still do and i still miss him.. but if he's grown matured to understand the commitment of love, the bond of his words, he will stay commited in his current relationship. he should.
the only reason he'll return is cos he has not learnt the commitment behind the word 'love'..if so, i doubt my love bank has any balance to teach him this love again.. this bank acount has been depleted.. it's still trying to earn some interest - bit by bit, to replenish and to restore its original equilibrium balance..
missing him - yes, i do.. esp when discussing all the marriage planning with my friends, listening to good music (bosco is a gd n talented musician).. i guess i will continue to miss him till .. .. .. someday.. ..
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