14 Jan 09 - Red Cliff 2

just came back fr a remarkably good show - red cliff 2 (worth very bit of the money!).. finally managed to find time and a couple of good friends to watch.. good thing i didn't watch it with the other people... cos i really feel so so much like crying after the show.. maybe i'm in those melancholy periods.. maybe the war scenes really get into me (though i really LOVE the strategies of war - what a challenge of wits! such a war of gentlemen and grace!! what great minds and love!!).. maybe i'm just.. i feel like crying.. pls dun ask me why.. i just feel like crying..

the show left 2 scenes in my mind..
1) the blood shedding war zone (despite the fact i really love their strategies of position, attack and defend.. talk abt waiting on God! what great wisdom!!)
2) when lady qiao fell down from the tower, protecting the baby with all her being, and lord zhou (Tony Leung is SO extremely gallant and charismatic!!) dashed with all his might to catch and human-cushion her fall

- 1) the war scenes - is it what's it's like in Gaza and other war zones now? i mean, the ancient times fought by code of war (such pride and gentlemen~) but.. now?? fight with pride - yes, even with arrogance; but gentlemenly code? who really cares for the women and children in this modern day war? who take heed of their pleads when missiles are fired?? at least the soldiers know the 'cause of their fight', but how about the civilians whose house and livihood are 'just so unfortunate' to be in the line of war???... my heart aches.. i know i'm sound exaggerating but it's true - i really feel like crying when i think of these..

- 2) the fall - ok, let's put the charisma and looks of tony leung aside (he's is really so OMG!!).. the love that lady qiao has for her husband and his people.. despite her pregnancy, she stepped out in such brave decision to fulfil the dream of her husband.. (if u cannot understand why is she so silly to risk her life to attend to lord cao, pls try to FEEL the love within!) what a woman of great love for her family and her people!! the moment he dashed through all things in hope to catch her fall, the strong love and trust they share is so so so so making me envious~! i mean, which woman wouldnt want that?! to be caught by the arms (let alone human-cushioning!) of he who treasures you so much! it's like 'even if i were to die in ur arms, i'm willing' ... another cry factor for me..

... i read what doraemon wrote to me this morning.. my prince charming..
honestly, i dunno where, who and how is he going to reveal himself.. or is there ever 'my' prince charming.. not bcos my requirements are high, but i really dont know His timing! where are those strong arms of support for J? or, he has chosen to belong to someone else (God gives people free-will to choose, remember??)

very often, my reply to all these questions will be of same consolatory note - "no point fretting, what will be will be".. but when i'm in this pensive and contemplative mood, it's kinda hard to push it aside.. who will he be? someone around or to come? or.. will he return? (ok, people, i'm just wondering ok? not exactly pinning hope on that!) or.. will there ever another? the Bible says hope deferred makes the heart sick.. is my heart getting sick?

daddy always tell me 'dun worry J, you'll surely have someone who really treasure and love you'.. but daddy, i really dont know if there'll be another.. will there ever be a man of great love, grace and strong faith to accept my past (fyi someone thought he could and he was but ... ).. i know i shldnt carry past emotional burdens to a new one, and trust me - i'm not and i wont (it wont be fair to the new partner).. but what if he picked MY burdens up for himself?? ... where is my tree of life??


Prov 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.