2 Apr 09 - Keep doing what is right

today i had a weird day.. for no reason, i was really very tired after work.. for no reason, i fell asleep while having a quick-fix of 40mins foot reflexology; for no reason, i was sure that i boarded bus 145 which turned out to be bus 143, after a long bizzare distance into the 'forbidden' west coast.. in the end i had to alight in a spooky unfamiliar place (with not much human existence) and be very late for cellgroup meeting (i was quite reluctant to go actually)..

i dont know what was the message shared, but through some sharing during fellowship, i know it impacted them.. a Word in season for them.. i'm happy for them. when i arrived, all i got to participated was praying in agreement and sowing of seeds.. the meeting ended 20mins after my arrival. this was the shortest cellgroup meeting i've ever had yet it turned out to be a big lesson for me.. honestly i have to thank Joyce Meyer for this..

even though i'm draining on the inside - emo and spiritual, i know i have to keep on doing what is right in eyes of God.. yes, you might comment i'm hypocrite - to go through the motion without any passion in it. yes i agree - even i feel so.. but i have learnt never to let go of what is right in God's eyes - Keep doing what is right and your feelings will follow eventually. cellgroup meetings, prayer meetings, services and even Bible study.. i cant tell you how many times i want to play traunt, how many times i had to drag myself to attend.. i even tried to disassociate from fellowship or any contact with 'church people', yet i pushed myself to be mingle, to remain 'sociable'.. it's true - these are my struggles and battles for past months..

similiarly for today, i dragged myself to attend a already-very-late meeting (i know i have to cos this is my allocated cg.. and i dont want to 'waste' another day to attend make-up cg). in the end, i received a pat on my back for being an inspiration, for being persistent through inconvenience. huh? me?? the J who has been finding all kind of excuses and means, and some lies, to skip church commitment??? i was SHOCKED. frankly, i was SPEECHLESS. that sure sounded like praise to my hypocritical commitment, yet in amid of total embarrassment, it's an strong encouragement to keep doing what is right. i am happy to hear.. i know it cant come from anyone, except from God who sees and knows my 'efforts'..

please do not get me wrong - i'm not saying that i'm encouraged to remain hypocritical. instead it's like splashing a pail of water onto this draining soul, it really refreshed me and spurred me on to keep focusing on doing what i should. feelings fluctuate, but commitment persists. as long as i keep doing what is right and pleasing in His eyes, i know there will be one day when i will not be in this roller-coaster ride of being drenched and drained. faithfulness endures trials..