2 Feb 10 - insomnia => insanity => blessing

02 February 2010
looking at the date on office lift today, i kinda like it~ in fact it's my msn nick for the day.


before i go into the fever pitch of my annual birthday, i want to shout aloud that I'M FREAKING SLEEPY NOW~!!.. and ... IT'S A INSANE BIRTHDAY!!

cos after crying over Hachiko, just when i thought i could have a peaceful start into my birthday.. i ended up engaging a 3hrs chat with u-know-who.. he was waiting for me to return from my movie (10pm) when he fell asleep, only to wake up in shock at 1am when i'm about to log off! *is this the first sign that we're not meant to be? - he missed the midnight hr even though he was really so looking forward to be the 'first'* this is how i was 'caught' online and 'netted' to phone chat till 4.30am.. *sleeppyyy yyawwnn*

what did we chat? .. of course, he bugged, nagged, pestered me for 3 birthday wishes, which i was too drowsy to think more than longevity for hugo.. i wedged my way out from the other 2 wishes.. then i decided to move onto his CNY travel itinerary to singapore.. apparently this ばかbaka thought i was joking when i informed him how expensive singapore hotels are, and how advance reservation is totally necessary here, now then tell me the rates are so much higher than his expectations.. sigh, first time visitor.. anyway he also planned to go malaysia for a night, so that will be my part to plan..

as the night went 'stiller', the topic got serious..
i confided in him abt a birthday sms fr an old friend.. an sms which caught me unaware+confused.. friends or more than friends...what an complicated qn.. his care and concern has always been acknowledged but.. to go deeper than that, i really have my concernS, the same old issues on trust, locality and possible marriage life etc.. *OMG, please.. don't let me go thru the cycle again~!* his advice? well, being rationale (even though he still cant give me an answer for liking me) and 'unbias' position, he told me to review what went wrong previously and if that was a critical concern etc.. .. in the end, i dont know why but he kinda advised me to consider local guys too *trust me í was too groggy then for any comprehension function*.. but i know he sure felt weird on giving me advice on such stuff, when he's 'part of the game'.. overall, he's doing quite well as an 'impartial advisor'..

..... kk i really got to take a nap now before i meet my ex-colleagues for my FREE lunch :P:P ahaha.. ya, i'm cheapo on my birthday i know.. ahha...

***********************************
dont know if this deserves an entry of its own.. but anyway..

i just came back after a fine jap dining with mr I.. i know u people are wondering how's it but all i can say is.. i'm blessed. of course, i was unable to out-talk him in all his blunt crude rationality (he's kinda like CK, in this manner - bankers' attitude) hence feeling defeated is kinda a norm with him. but my blessing comes when i actually see how much he has changed.. from a player, a person who took rship lightly, the mr I now in front of me is a sensible gentleman who seem to learnt well from his past wild days.. mind u, i'm not joking when i say he's a gentleman.. in fact, he has always been so, minus his casanova history.. i'll need some time to get used to such good etiquette which is so near extinction in guys these days..

to answer ur doubt on why am i blessed from this dinner date..
1) the current mr I cares for the people around him, his world is no longer abt I, he and himself..
i know he can be a rich snob *trust me, i had seen him so..* but from our coffee chats over past days and dinner today, i'm kinda convinced that he still kept that good heart within him..the heart which attracted me in the first place.. now he exceeded my expectations to care for everyone who talk/serve him (except me), with details and concern

2) remember i was still feeling at lost if he's thinking abt 'patching back'?
i'm glad (+pinch of salt) that he analyzed the scenario quite sensibly..
- the ger n him like each other yet knowing the rship will not be fruitful
- there's a change of taste, lifestyle and even mindset after all these years
- the ger has a emotional baggage which can be a burden for new rship
- he wont 'waste effort' in something he know it wont bear fruit
- he has no time to put in more efforts for her, when he could have easily find someone with no/less baggage.. *trust me, he is that smart n eligible*
- he needs someone to challenge his views as support *i obviously am not good in this after all those verbal defeat*
see, how can i not be happy for such analysis even though i do feel the slight punch of hurt.. even though he did not specify 'the ger' as me, but i'm already happy to know.. hey, he's grown and i'm happy for him, alright?

3) i've gained a friend after all these yrs
yes, he hurt me in the past even though it was a very short rship.. i did have my enraged moments (period) and totally ignored him for a yr or so.. but i'm learnt to let it go, to forgive him.. and now he's back as a friend, and a better person too :) .. from friend to bf, from a bf to ex-bf, from ex-bf to stranger, from stranger to good friend.. it's a wonder how life can turn out to be..