cant sleep.. dunno if it's my hot milo or if it's my irrating throat which coughed so badly just now.. i could almost coughed out my lungs with the strength i was coughing.. i practically coughed with sweat and tears! i'm wet all over after 10mins of severe bad coughs and chokes, as if i'm in summer!
anyway.. i really cant sleep.. wonder if my bio-clock being disfunctional or i'm afraid to sleep.. or it's time for me to start praying and read my Bible, which has been laying on my bedside cupboard for a long time.. since my depression.
not that i've given up on God, but i really cant keep my faith up. there were times i felt so close to God, and others i'm ten-thousands-billion miles away from Heaven.. and this is one of those latter times. imagine me simply lazing on my bed, waiting for a sign from Heaven to fall without even lifting my hands to God~ yes, that's J now. totally 'keep doing what is right' despite the faithlessness within.
but somehow, from last week's cg message, i felt He is trying to cheer me on with the title 'dont give up'.. in the past i'd regard that as timely revelation, but now in my faithless and 'lifeless' spirit, i just know He will work something out.. and here i go-lazing and waiting for something to happen.. *gosh, i know this is not a good testimony but hey, i'm not perfect.. i also experience ups and downs of life* and i really need to sleep but my eyes are still so wide awake!!
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