20 Aug 10 - everyone has to die alone someday

a very good old friend had a hearty chat w me.. to be honest, i was feeling rather down on myself today but i thank God for my work which kept me really busy (as usual) and his sudden last-minute sms for dinner chat. this totally practical and logical guy likes to profile people, and so that was what he did to me.. behind all the laughters and sighs, i really enjoyed chatting with him even though he can really challenge my faith in God.  yes- i still believe in prayers.

yes i m moving on - still trying but hey, must give me some credits cos i'm doing so much better this time (dont u think so?), except for the agonising mornings. seriously, u people ve to admit i'm making a great improvement fr my last attack. yes, the pills are helping but i am also opening myself to friends this time.. i have learnt to say 'yes' and 'i need ur company' when i need. and i really thank God for all the friends and their patience for me. like i said in my previous blog, everyone has to die alone someday - be it on ur bed or hospital bed. at least i know now, when i die, all these friends will miss me, i m leaving a legacy behind and a story to tell. i hope i demonstrated the horror of depression, and taught them how to 'manage' it..

saying is easier than done, but i know i will win this battle this time. you people just ve to pardon me on my morning attacks. trust me, it's really getting bearable yet still hurtful.. keep praying for me in this area every morning. i know i will go thru it and resume my 'singlehood' - i have done it and i know i can do it again, even though it hurts the hell out of me.

but coming back to minwei.. darling, i really love you - still do. i dont care what u did or have done, but if u r willing to face ur concerns with me, i will face it together with u. i know ldr is not easy, relocation is a big issue but there are so many couples have done it, i m sure we can - if you are willing to face with me. u know i'll still think of you, still miss you..but i respect your decision to be alone. God has brought us together for a reason after 5yrs, let Him restore and guide us back again. i love you.