i cried the whiole night, my heart is just so painful that i cant sleep.. i miss my darling, i miss my daring who holds his words as his bond.. God, please strengthen this love You have blessed me with. i had such blessed times with my darling, such times which i thought i could never enjoy after my depression. my darling is Your best gift to me, please hepl us this time to go thru our tests in rship.
i heard a lot of hurtful words from darling last night.. the words so familiar as if bosco was speaking.. in that instant, my greatest fear come to my face.. i dont know what happened but they under some kind of stress and decided to throw in the towel so 'i can be happy'.. how can i be happy without my darling? how can my life be 'normal' - back to depression?
my darling brought ne out of my darkness with his confidence and love.. he really loves me a lot, i totally trusted him without a doutbt, opening myself to him. we knew about the obstables of ldr, we dicussed and agreed one some solutions. as long as he's with me, i am willing to go through all differences with him. my life is in his hands. i know i complained the physical distance, but i really look forward to the day when he'll settle down be it TW/SZ/US.. once he's settled down, i will follow him as my husband.
yes this is how commited i am since i decided to enter this rship on 1st Arpil. i really love and trust my darling with all my heart. i know he wont let me down with flings, i know he is a workaholic who focus is always 1 thing at 1 time (the same way he shopped). but i love it, that is he.. my darling minwei.
his words ytd hurt me so much with so much excuses that we have known at the start of rship. so much pain that i had to take 2 depression pills to calm me now. he really means a lot to me. yet, bcos of distance, all the excuses are used as 'solutions' to make me happy.. how can i be happy when my love is not with me anymore...
darling, i really trust you in your words, esp in our rship i wish i can spend more time with you each wk. i am waiting for u to propose, to settle down.. when u asked in a joking manner, everytime i have already said yes in my heart, just waiting for u to settle down. as long as our love is here, God will see us thru all obtacles.. for 5yrs, we finally managed to get together.. even though it's difficult, but your love pulled me thru my dark times, now i just hope my love will pull you thru this dark times, let my love be ur support. no one is perfect fit, rship is adjust and accommodate 2 difference lifestyle and families into one. i know i'm not the perfect gf, but no one is.
u said i change myself. i wonder have i? cos i love the way i am living with my darling. drinking is only occasional when i am with gd friends n gd reasons.. dancing is bcos bosco used to be my partner.. all these u knew before our rship (u even wanted to learn to dance, but i know u r busy at work).. all in all, without drink, without dance, i am still loving who i am now cos i have my darling. i love my darling more than myself.
in the street,though i walked alone but i carried the love of my darling - i smiled when i walked past travel agency; i simle when i shopped in men's dept. even alone at meal, i feel his love with me and i miss him...am i happy with this rship, yes i am happy cos i know my darling will be happy to wear his new clothes, i know he'll like this place when we eat next time..but it's true i don go out often, cos i m too tired by my wk, i rather stay at home n rest, be with my hugo.
what really hurts me so much is he's using bosco's excuses as his own, even though he agreed bosco's were just excuses ro break up.. i trust him to be un-like bosco, to be responsible in his words. but..this hurts so much that i dont know if he'll still feel for me..he agreed bosco was jerk to treat me then, but.. i really dont want my darling to be like thar jerk.. my darling is more responsible, his words is his bond. i know he is very stress n busy at work, but i m haapy just to wait for him to knock off from work n come home, no matter how late.
i just wish my darling still remember me as his sweetheart who will always love him, always waiting for him to go home... i am prepared to relocate so i can be with him when he needs me. sweetheart wants to take care of my darling. God, please show us a way for us to overcome all these doubts n exuses. Love overcomes all, let us to be living proof for love overcomes. i will always love my darling, esp he is very stressed now.
please God, have mercy and favout on both of us. You see his frustretions, his doubts please send Your spirit to protect his love in the rship. I pray with all my might and heart, O Heavenly Father.. please receive my prayer.
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