3 Aug 10 - ultimately alone

have u ever wonder how's it like to be sickly alone..all alone? i just had a quick glimpse of my 'future' perhaps.

here i am - fever with shiver, trying to remember what's it like to have someone ard you when you're sick.. too weak to even blog (initially).. just want to tuck myself under my blacket and winter wear.. just keeping telling myself this is reality.. reality of sick alone..

yet a piece of my heart clung onto the possibility that he'll call.. i know he's busy handling his family matters and work.. but just a glimpse of sheer hope that telepathy might work this time.. at 10.07pm, a sms came in - 'sweetheart i m home but tired.i m going to sleep now,u go n sleep earlier too' simple information does so much damage to my weakly defended hope..

i really wanted to hear fr him, esp now.. even though it's just a few minutes.. so i sms him that i m having fever.. 20mins passed no ring no sms.. i tried to call but his mobile was engaged.. perhaps i dialed wrongly, perhaps he's really in a impt call, perhaps the telco mixed the lines.. perhaps sms got lost thru transmision.. whatever the reason, i waited for any miracle..

then.. overture of 'fall back into love' softly came to my ears.... very quickly, i picked my mobile up.. only to find it's coming from the radio.. this song.. this song which both of us set as ringtone.. hearing it fr radio, makes me such a fool. so wat if you're in rship? ultimately we are going to get sick and die alone - in own room or hospital room. so wat if i miss him? we have to be alone in the end...

...tears starting to roll.. i have to stop now.