from daily lovey-dovey sms, concerned calls, punctual online meetings, initiative 'reports', sharing of visions and dreams *someone even complained i'm too rationale for new passionate rship* and even eagerness to attend online service together.. to no sms or call for weeks *even when i finally hear his voice, it's so short and rush*, online meetings seem to be 'optional', no update/sharing of lives and let alone seeking God..
all these in a span of 124days..
j really didnt learn from past experiences.. despite her buddy's warning, she gave too quickly and too much.. now it's all coming back at her..at least she should not have involved her family so quickly..
perhaps both of us are tired.. perhaps the novelty of ldr has worn off.. perhaps he's really too busy to consider all these.. for whatever reason, j should ve taken heed from her rationality against it. there's a reason why j is created to be so logical in character - to protect her from such irrationale decision. yet, so many times, and every time her heart rules over head, hurt follows..
2hrs ago, i really believed perseverance will reap good fruits, believing discipline and commitment in ldr.. but as i ponder further, something is just not very right.. something just dont feel that right. whatever it is, i wont blame or seek accountability.. afterall it's 2 willing parties made the decision to enter into this arduous rship. i have known the expectations and had have the temptations before, but i could never know how informed and prepared the other party is. afterall, how long do we know each other? how well do i know him? .. i didnt trust an old friend of a decade to acheive such consensus, let alone a sudden spark of 2mths.. across distance, a lot of situations will happen and a lot of discipline n commitment of good character to fight them.. is he really the one for it?
whatever it is, j is learning to let go... letting go of hopes and dreams built 3mths ago.. letting go of expectations of ldr.. hopefully when the day comes for her to leave, hurt will be merciful to her this time..
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