Father God, i m back into depression again, the love you blessed me brought me wih so much joy and recovery yet now You .. how could You do this to me again? You Alone knows i cannot withstand another attack, yet You allow another depression attack on me now. Lord, i dont understand why..
why do You give me such great blessing only to assume i'm not happy then now you take it away?
this time, this rship is the best you have ever given to me - responsible, thoughtful, confidence and believe in love.. but why why things suddenly change and withdrawal from me? when i've commited in Your Name to take care of him all my life.. be it rich or poor, health or sickness i am commited to be responsible for this gift You've blessed me with,
i know he's very focused in his work, i know he's very responsible and workaholic.. but i also wish i can just resign and stay with him all the time when he is stress or down. Lord, i commit my life to take care of him. but why the sudden change of decision? why do You take him away from me now? did i do somthing wrong? i know u love him as much as i do, but do You love me at all?
one of his concern is i cant pay respect to his family tradition, but Lord he didtn know Your love for all your poeple and Your love for peace. thru my years with You, i've learnt the difference between idolatry and paying respect. I know You are Jealous God yet You loves people more than anything. with this lesson in heart, i am able to draw the line of holding incense yet having You, my Heavenly Father in my heart. why provoke family disputes which will not honour Your Name?
but my dear Father, i really love minwei a lot.. hard to believe but it's true - his confidence, love and responsibility have conquered my resistence to love within the past mths. though we are far apart but i look forward to meet him each mth, despite the cost (You always provide extra for this cost, thank You, Jesus!) though we are of different location now, i look forward to the day when he decided to settle down and propose.. my heart has long decided to be with him whenever he is. rich or poor, i will standby him thru it all. Father, please have mercy on me.. You taught me to hold my words as my bond, so help me to fulfil my bond to standby him, no matter what happens.
i lift this prayer unto You, my Lord.. the Only One of the past, present and future.. i really love minwei more than myself, please have mercy on our love. in this down time, help me to support us thru this tunnel..
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