just as i'm learning to take a step back from my career, to step down from my career plan.. i'm also learning to acknowldge this timebomb in me. besides financial adjustments, i'm also learning on how to cope with my expectations, people's expectations, and perhaps soon, my boss' expectations.. honestly, i know my resume is a bit over-qualified but for job i'm looking at now.. God really has to make a way.. even teaching as career now is a challenge cos i know the stress in teaching is amounting..
my dear friend-gwen, has her sister in this situation before.. according to her, it took her several job switches and months, before she settled into her current (great!) job.. i wonder will it happen to me? my leader told me though i'm good in HR, but perhaps it's not the beneficial job for me.. honestly, i dont know how long it'll take for me to settle into my job, i'm already trying not to think abt the stress of unemployment..
ok, what have i been doing these 2 days.. alone at home (my family is all out on a Bangkok trip).. well, i thank God that i'm still living, though thoughts of dying did cross my mind.. i did a 'counselling chat' with my god-dad (trust me, he and i have this chemistry which we cant explain).. he called cos he was feeling down over loss of his beloved dog.. i know the pain so i comforted him and i'm glad he's ok now (well, at least i did something worthwhile even though i'm in this pit myself).. then, for the rest of the past 48hrs, my eyes were on the tv programmes for a very simple reason - to tire myself out. no mood to read, no mood to pray, no mood to do anything, including eating.. even hugging my hugo i've no energy.. if u ask me, i'm a real bummer for the past 48hrs.
did i thought of going out? yes, of course i did.. i know i cant stay at home like this all day.. it'll scare the wits out of my family. but for now, i just dont want to push myself to do anything.. let me stay and rot at home. when they are back, i pray this depression will loosen its grip on me.. i'll be normal and breathe properly (seriously, with this kind of stress acting on my heart, i wonder how long can i live anyway?)..
Try to take a step back to look at the world and your life and you might discover new things. Sometimes, in our pursuit in the so called goals of our life, we might lose sight of real important stuff. May God continue to guide you and comfort in this period of time. Take care, J.
ReplyDeletethanks, anonymous whoever you are.. u sound like B though..
ReplyDeleteto be honest, stepping down is really a hard thing to do, but i guess i've no choice.. another alternative (as someone suggested) is to marry off and stay at home.. but obviously that is not a healthy mindset to be in.
talk abt new perspective, i really hope i'll have new great finds for go through this again (though i seriously dont know where to look now)..
You are welcome. Though I may sound like B, I am not B if you would like to know :-)
ReplyDeleteStepping down might be tough as this is part of your personality. It is hard to change but just my 2 cents of suggestion, you may want to "manage" your expectation and it might help in the present and even future to come.
New perspective: It may not just be new things in the present or futue but things in the past that might hold you back from seeing or discovering things in the present or even future :-)
Hope that you may overcome this obstacle soon and move on into the abundance that God has installed for you.
Take care, J.