30 Oct 09 - power of tea

power of tea.. i had a cup of chai tea ytd and i'm having signs of some depression.. well, for days i'm 'free from anxiety' but today i woke up with a sense of anxiousness.. thankfully i managed to identify and control it before i start hiding in a corner of my bed.. seriously, J, no more coffee or tea for u - too risky. i'm still trying to control the heart-beat now..

i've been thinking abt the counselling conversation ytd.. either he's good as counsellor or he's great leadership.. i realised he was actually diagnosing my depression with such sensitivity and tactfulness! ya - my trigger point is lack of emo support. considering B's sudden decision to walk out, my whining on finding a bf (to the extreme i really felt 'just find a guy, get married and not work') and then loss of work support.. all these leads to my depression.. and this is a path i've to learn to walk on my own cos no one can be forever with me in this earth.. saying is easier than done but if i dun, i'll always be trapped with this trigger.. *see, i told u he's good* and it'll make it harder for me to find a support cos he must be really strong and loving to take care of a depressed partner! frankly, he'll have been extincted since 19th century..

gosh, what can i do from now till 8pm(cgm).. i know it's boredom to stay at home, i should make a walk under the sun (afterall it's cool now after a drizzle), i can read my book, listen to music or make a trip to library.. but i simply have no initiative, resting on my comfort chair is all enough for me now.. lazy? tired?? or just depression??? whatever.. i'm going back to sleep soon..

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i know i'm 'asking for it'.. but i just couldn't resist KOI temptation - when i've lotsa time to spare so watching the crowd with a cup of pearly bubble tea is really too hard to resist.. i sure hope i wont get into another 'fit' tmr morning.. or perhaps i should take additional prozac before i sleep, just in case..

anyway, today was the first night of a new cellgroup.. if i've not been to my previous cg, i'd say this is 'THE' cell for me.. cos the flow is so 'CHC hollywood days', not that God is not innovative, but the familiarity of such flow is really very homely.. anyway, i guess God is trying to teach me something.. after a yr of switching and transferring, i'm back to this flow - the one i was searching for initially.. but now, i'm glad i'm made new friends and new perspective during this 'de-tour' trip. wherever God is, that's all it matters..