29 Oct 09 - proud of being 30%

i'm so proud of myself..for admitting to depression; for being the 30% of depression patients who acknowledge we are under depression.. but it's very scary to know the 70% still suffering alone out there, under the torment of depression stigma and denial of this illness.. trust me, depression is NOT a 'mind thing'..

met up with my zone supervisor this evening.. practically dragged myself out to orchard after lazing at home for whole day.. come to think of that, i'm really thankful, this time round, i've lotsa friends who really initiated and dragged me out from my house.. as much as i know staying at home is not healthy, but when u r in depression, initiative is just disappeared from ur vocabulary. this illness will consume all ur energy and initiative, but it's not a mind thingy..

anyway, so happened that he's a counsellor by profession too.. hence it's really nice to talk to someone who really understand depression, someone who knows the scream of protest in pain inside my body although i'm physically 'cheerful', someone who knows every little step i take requires a lot of my energy and concentration.. to be able to go orchard alone is really quite acomplishing task.. we chatted, this is the first time i chatted so openly about my condition with someone i respect within my circle of friends.. we spoken about depression, the possible discovery of myself on cause, about God, about the Bible.. and to my surprise i really like talking to him (i used to 'fear' him cos of his leadership).. anyway it was a really great chat and he wanna meet me again next week~~ (the last rememberance i had about meeting high church leadership was when i had to be discipled) but this time i really kinda look forward to meet him, despite his busy schedule (i'm glad i've a slot)

u know, he kinda brighten me up - highlighting that God is guiding my every step, despite i've not been wanting to speak to Him.. eg getting the right book to 'cure' depression, sending people to date me out, and helping me to accept who i am.. it's really wonderful to be open about under depression! :)