i really thankful for joanne - she's the best friend any depressed person can ever ask for. she dated me out today, cos she wanted to exchange her purchased blouse. *if i'm workaholic, she's a real shopaholic!* we practically spent the whole day shopping today. well, she still spent more than me - i only bought a cap (i really think i look good with cap) and bought a token of contribution to the handicapped. total damage is less than $40! i cant say the same for my dear joanne..she really spent ALOT!
but she's really a good sport. we kinda shared more things in common now, esp childhood experiences. actually, it's a miracle how i got close to her. my first impression of her was a 'not so friendly' colleague, sitting across me. yet, when my life was at its pit, she's the one who reached out for me - to drag me up. i was damn surprised too. i hardly spoke to her, yet her support was always ard for me. since then, i know she is a true friend indeed. perhaps like me, who gives pple a false impression of 'high-living', she just sent out the wrong impression of 'unfriendly'.. but trust me, she is really the most caring, sensitive and friendly person you could ever ask for in a friend. she might not be on your back day after day, but she always avail herself to friends, no matter what situation it is. i m just so grateful for her.
the day was fine n confident, till i came back home. i started to think abt minwei, miss minwei, went to his fb.. gosh, it hurts to see him so stressed at work yet i cant be there for him, not even a word of comfort! he wanted his space, remember? i m supposed to respect that, and damn it hurts! i tried to cry, before panic attacks hit me. i tried to let out the hurt before it attacks me. even hugging hugo cant ease the hurt, cant calm me down.. so, i took my pill. yes, i know i shouldnt depend on that, but hey i will die without it now, ok? which is worse? and btw, i showed extracts of my blog to ian. it's just me - i cant hide my feelings from anyone. it's hurtful enough now. i dont wan to hurt another person.
i really look forward to a confirmed slot with psychiatrist, as soon as possible, before i could die from depression and panic attacks. God, if You have mercy, please confirm a time slot for me as soon as possible. i really cant cope with all these panic attacks nowadays..
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