26 Sep 10 - my 3rd death..body, mind and soul

i dream of my darling minwei... something happy, somehow enjoyable.. i woke up with such missing and 'happiness' even though i've forgotten what the dream was about. darling, are you still reading my blog? do you still think of me? i do still think of you, miss you.. despite my efforts to live 'independently' now. darling, i really miss you so much.. how have you been doing? still busy??

tomorrow is the day i've been surviving for - appointment with my senior psychiatrist. i really dont know how to tell him my long story, but i know i need his help (and professional medication) badly to fight this beast, this barbarian within me. i really cant stand this time-bomb anymore..  darling, will you pray for me to recover? will you be here with me when i recover?

i dont know if you have read my first blog - i died before. this is verified by my operating surgeon. by God's grace, i came back to life. i was once dead, now still alive. what made me want to return? cos i know my bf (ex-bf now) was waiting for me outside the operating room, i saw him outside when i was away from my body. will you be here? be my strength to recover, wait for me to come back alive as i was?

this can be considered as my 3rd death. i was dead physically (as mentioned above), dead emotionally (as last rship) and now i'm dying (dead) spiritually-body, mind and soul. i try to be sane and hold onto whatever i can for my soul, before i totally lose it. however, i dont have the strength to play this tug-of-war with the devil. i need help to pull my soul, my faith back.. will you help me?

remember my earthy angel - uncle bonnie? we dont contact each other,but he always send timely sms of faith messages to me. he just did so, and i opened my faithless situation to him. he promised to keep praying for me.. he is just amazing- only appear when i am in my pit. i know you people are my earthly angels and protectors too, standing in the gap for me in prayers. seriously, your faith n prayers have to be really specific (trust me, God is too busy to 'filter' generic prayers) if you are praying.. can some of you pray for my darling minwei too? he needs guidance, peace and love from Him, esp as new believer. please pray for minwei, ok? thank you, my angels~