06 Sep 10 - fb hurts

i said i wanted to block my fb, i wanted to avoid my fb cos.. i'll check on my darling's fb whenever i log in... but i cant help logging into fb, checking his fb.. nice little squirrel, reminds me of one of my taiwan stay where i stayed near the mountains, where squirrels were little sweeties around the trees. and.. the picture of the chapel, the last supper.. i just feel so hopeless.. where is God when i really need Him? i really miss my darling.. i really ve to block myself fr fb.. it hurts to be in fb..

ytd, eirene and elsie brought me out - to check on me and also to accompany me. i really appreciate them.. coming all the way from eastern side of singapore to bring me around. looking at them, i really envy them. they are so 'strong' and independent in rship. though theirs are also long distance, but they seem to enjoy their singlehood more than their rship. something which i thought i was enjoying till his withdrawal.. where is the confident j now? i used to enjoy my single-yet-unavailable days like them.. life of a long distance rship.. where the hell is that j now?! but i am glad to have them.. though they still are in ldr, but they are very sensitive n considerate to me.. eirene even came up with a weekly routine and activities idea which i'm so grateful - i just need a routine, somthing to do at every fixed time, somthing to look forward to.. but then again, we chided at one another on how long our weekly 'commitment' would last, knowing we're quite 'pampered' yet not rich ladies. we tried to incorporate some sports but i really dont know how long it'll last.. it's been such a long while since we exercise.. still, i'm very grateful with their planning..

today, i'm better i supposed? though i could sense some fear arousing, but i managed to divert or suppress it.. less toilet-breaks for me today. shivers - yes a bit esp during lunch time (i went lunch alone today) but i counselled myself with blessings that there're someone, you people who still care n love me. managed to calm myself down before i decided it's better to return to work than watching the supposedly calming fountain.. work - my best routine, and i dread long weeknds!