positive, right? well.. i had a very concerned call from a very concerned friend jenny today.. she just got to know this 'big' news. being concerned and apologetic, she really tried her best to assure me everything will be ok.. i know it'll be ok - I HAVE TO make this shit right. this is something i wish i can throw onto u people to help, but it's impossible i know. i jolly well have to go thru it myself, and this time WITHOUT God.yes, it might be 'harder' but i really cant trust Him to bring me out and to another again?!
guoqing just called me, and we had a long chat (again).. what can i say? he's really one-of-a-kind stubbornly concerned for me. i know his life is so much better now - his 'dream' job with good high pay and stable working hrs. but i really appreciate his love, his concern as a brother. i know he cares, he really cares.. after all these yrs. but... i really cant afford to 'lose' him as a brother. hey, it's not that i'm selfish, but 16yrs of close friendship.. it's too high of a stake for me. it's better to remain as it is now..
and i managed to shake off a panic attack, before it attacked.. come'on, it's an achievement ok? if i can continue this achievement, esp in the mornings.. i'll have better report to tell my psychiatrist on 27Sep. at least i m doing what i can to help myself from this depression attacks, cant u just give me a pat on my back? a PAT, not beat! well, i still have this long weekends to survive... why must there be long holidays when i'm having depression?!
What that does not kill you, only makes you stronger. If you can survive this long weekend, you gotta tell yourself you can survive anything. Anyway, am going to call you later to invite you out for brunch on Sunday. Don't wanna call in case you aslp. Hope to see u soon babe! - Jen
ReplyDeletebabe, depression can kill.. i'm just trying not to be killed. as for this weekend, yes sunday would be nice.. though joanne told me to be on standby for her call. but we can always ve brunch together..
ReplyDeleteand yes, i thank you all my friends for all your support and care, in hope to see me thru this loveSHIT. i try.. i will try..